[资料]太空圆珠笔

[资料]太空圆珠笔 太空圆珠笔 The Astronaut Pen During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil. 太空圆珠笔 在二十世纪六十年代，美国和苏联正处于太空竞赛的白热化阶 段，美国航空航天局决定研制一种圆珠笔，以便在太空舱重力为零的 环境下仍然可以书写。经过大量的研发工作，花费了大约一百万美元 的成本，太空笔终于研制出来了。那支笔果然可以在太空书写，在回 到地球后，作为一样新奇的小玩意儿也确实吸引了一些目光。 而面临着同样难的苏联，则选择了一支铅笔。 I'll Go There Myself There was once a landlord who always pretended he was knowledgeable though he was completely unable to read or write. One day when the landlord was chatting with his guests, a servant came in and gave him a letter which asked him to lend a cow. The landlord was afraid that his guests would know he was unable to read or write, so he opened the envelope and glanced over the words. Then he said to the servant, "OK, please tell him I'll go there myself in a few minutes." 我自己过去 从前，有一个地主是个既不会读也不会写的文盲，但他却偏要在 人前装作很有学问。一天，当地主正和宾客聊天的时候，仆人走进来 递给他一封信，信上请他出借一头牛。地主害怕被客人知道自己是个 文盲，于是他打开信封，瞧了瞧信上的字，然后对仆人说:“好的， 你告诉他我等一下自己过去。” The Day that You're Inaugurated A woman and her husband were out shopping when she realized that she needed to purchase some hair color for her graying hair. "When are you going to stop buying that expensive stuff," complained the husband, "and let your hair go gray like Barbara Bush?" "The day that you're inaugurated," the wife replied. 在你宣誓就职的那天 一个妇人正和丈夫在外面购物，她想起来需要为自己渐渐变白的 头发买一些染发剂。“你什么时候才会停止购买这些昂贵的东西，” 丈夫抱怨说:“而让你的头发自然变白，就像巴巴拉布什那样呢,” “在你宣誓就职的那天。”妻子回答道。 The Bad News and the Terrible News Michael sat in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" asked Michael incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary." 坏消息和可怕的消息 迈克尔坐在律师的办公室里。“您想先知道坏消息还是可怕的消 息,”律师问。 “先告诉我坏消息吧。” “您的妻子发现了一张价值,,万美元的照片。” “那就是坏消息,”迈克尔满腹怀疑，“我要等不及听那个可怕 的消息了。” “那可怕的消息就是那是一张您和秘书的照片。” Frog The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, "That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch." 青蛙 老师正在给学生上生物课:“现在，我将要给你们看我袋子里的 这只青蛙。”接着，他把手伸进口袋，却拿出了一份鸡肉三文治。老 师满脸困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一会儿，说道:“真奇怪。我明明记 得我已经把午饭吃掉了。” My Boss and I When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don't do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy. When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that is initiative. When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing. When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating. I do good, my boss never remembers. When I do wrong, he never forgets. 老板和我 我做事情花了长时间，是效率低; 老板做事情花了长时间，是深思熟虑。 我没有做完事情，是懒惰; 老板没有做完事情，是太繁忙。 没有人告诉我的事情我做了，是自作聪明; 老板做了同样的事情，是首创。 我取悦老板，是献媚; 老板取悦他的老板，是合作。 我干得好，老板从来不会想起; 我干得不好，老板从来不会忘记。 Guns Buried in the Garden An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes." 埋在花园里的枪 一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里种 些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事， 儿子回信说道:“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把 枪埋在那儿了。” 第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍， 但并没有找到任何枪支。” 老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步 应该怎么做。 儿子回信道:“你只管种土豆好了。” Reason of Punishment One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do." The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework." 惩罚的原因 一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说:“妈妈，今天在学校 里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。” 妈妈激动地说:“那真是太可怕了～我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈， 对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么,” 小女孩回答说:“我的家庭作业。” What time is it now? The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn't figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the second, "Start singing very loud." "How will that help?" said the second boy. "Just do it," insisted the first. Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs. Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted, "Keep it down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?" 现在几点了, 两个男孩子在后院露营，他们不知道到了晚上几点钟。于是，一 个男孩对另外一个说:“我们开始大声唱歌就行了。” “那就会知道时间吗,”第二个男孩问。 “只管唱吧。”第一个坚持道。 两个孩子开始大声唱歌，过了一会儿，一个邻居打开窗户喊道: “小声点～你们不知道现在是凌晨三点吗,” You've Lost On her return from school，little Dolly，aged ten，was pulled on to her Daddy's knee，and informed that the fairies had that day brought a big surprise a little baby brother(She see med glad，and presently said: “Will you give me a stamp，daddy,I want to write and tell brother Tom(” The father was touched by this，and provided the little lass with the materials to write a letter to her brother，who was away at school(Later，curious to know how she would tell the news，he took an opportunity to read what she had writen(He received something of a shock on reading the following: “Dear Tom， “It's come off today(You've lost;it's a boy(” 你输了 放学回到家里，十岁的小多莉被拉过来坐在她爸爸的膝上，她被告知 那天仙女们带来了一个大大的惊奇——一个婴儿小弟弟。她似乎很高 兴，马上说: “爸爸，你能不能给我一张邮票,我要写信告诉汤姆哥哥。” 父亲被这话感动了，他为小姑娘提供了给她哥哥写信所需的各种用 具，她的哥哥住在学校里。后来，想知道她是怎么这个消息的， 他找机会读了她写的信。在读到下面这两行字时，他差点儿惊呆了: “亲爱的汤姆: “今天结果出来了，你输了;是个男孩。” Puberty One evening，in the midst of dinner preparation，our 10 yearold daughter asked，“Mom my， what's puberty,”My wife was rushed at the moment，so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary，after which they could talk about it( A few minutes later，Peggy returned(Her mother asked what the dictionary had said(“Puberty means，”announced Peggy，“the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear children(” “What do you think of that,” my wife asked( “I'm not sure，” Peggy replied(“I've always been able to bear children(It's adults I can't bear(” 青春期 一天晚上，在准备晚饭的时候，我们十岁的女儿问:“妈妈，什么是青春期,”我的妻子此时正忙得不亦乐乎，所以她建议佩吉到字典上查这个词，然后她们可以再讨论它。 几分钟以后，佩吉回来了。她妈妈问字典上怎么说。“青春期的意思是，”佩吉宣布:“一个女孩能忍受孩子的最早年龄。” “你怎么想呢,”我妻子问。 “我不知道，”佩吉回答。“我总能忍受孩子。让我忍受不了的是大人。” A Gentleman Dick was seven years old，and his sister，Catherine(was five(One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes( The children played for an hour，and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen(She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him，“Now here's a knife，Dick(Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister，but remember to do it like a gentleman(” “Like a gentleman,” Dick asked(“How do gentlemen do it,” “They always give the bigger piece to the other person(”answered his aunt at once( “Oh” said Dick(He thought about this for a few seconds(Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her，“Cut this cake in half，Catherine(” 绅士 迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家 去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。” 孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说:“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。” 迪克问:“像一个绅士,绅士怎样做呢,” 他姨妈马上回答说:“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。” 迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说:“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”