100字的英语笑话大全

100字的英语笑话大全 笑话篇幅短小～情节简单而巧妙～往往出人意料～ 给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉～取得笑的艺术效果。大 多揭示生活中乖谬的现象～具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有 高下之分。以下是品才网小编为您精心整理的英语笑话 大全～欢迎参考: 100字的英语笑话大全 The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon. As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congreg ation. "All who want to go to heaven～please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise." Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry 1 / 10 in the pulpit, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it." 瞌睡者 牧师非常生气～因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。 一个星期天～正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时～牧师决定 要好好教育他一下～让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声 对信徒们说:‚想去天堂的人～都请站起来吧。‛所有的人都 站了起来当然～除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后～ 牧师高声喊道:‚想去下地狱的人请站起来!‛打瞌睡的人被 这突然的喊叫声惊醒了～他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛 上～正生气的看着他。这个人说道:‚噢～先生～我不知道 我们在选什么～但看上去只有你和我是候选人 It was at a five o’clock tea. A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness. ‚So good of you to come～ ～and where is your brother?‛ ‚You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could come～so we tossed up for it.‛ ‚How nice!And so original～ too! And you won?‛ ‚No～‛ said the young man absently～‚I lost.‛ 五点钟～下午茶的时间～一个年轻人因为迟到向女主 2 / 10 人致歉。 ‚您能来可真好～琼斯先生～您的兄弟在哪儿呢?‛ ‚您知道我们在办公室里有非常忙～我们俩只能来一 个～所以就掷币来决定由谁来。‛ ‚太有意思了!还那么有独创性!那您赢了?‛ ‚不～‛年轻人心不在焉地说～‚我输了。‛ Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " 鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只 鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。 ‚是什么鸟呢?‛我姐姐问她。 ‚我没看到鸟儿～老师～只看到鸟窝。‛那孩子回答 说。 3 / 10 ‚那么～你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?‛我姐姐 鼓励她道。 ‚哦～老师～就像你的头发一样。‛ I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " 我刚咬破自己的舌头 ‚我们有毒吗?‛一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 ‚是的～亲爱的～‛她回答说～‚你问这个干什么?‛ ‚因为我刚刚I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问～‚发生了什么 事?‛ 4 / 10 ‚一个男孩咬了我一口～‛伊凡说。 ‚再见到他你能认出来吗?‛妈妈问。 ‚他走到哪里我都能认出他～‛伊凡说。‚他的耳朵还 在我衣兜里呢。‛ 咬破自己的舌头。‛ A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 ‚昨天给你的钱干什么了?‛ ‚我给了一个可怜的老太婆～‛他回答说。 ‚你真是 个好孩子～‛妈妈骄傲地说。‚再给你两分钱。可你为什么对 那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?‛ ‚她是个卖糖果的。‛ Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going 5 / 10 home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天～父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种 对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄～老是有提不完的问。他向父 亲发问道:‚爸爸～‘醉’字是什么意思?‛ ‚唔～孩子～‛ 父亲回答说～‚你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成 了四个～那么我就算醉了。‛ ‚可是～爸爸～ ‛孩子说～‚那 儿只有一个警察呀!‛ Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four 6 / 10 then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天～父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种 对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄～老是有提不完的问题。他向父 亲发问道:‚爸爸～‘醉’字是什么意思?‛ ‚唔～孩子～‛ 父亲回答说～‚你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成 了四个～那么我就算醉了。‛ ‚可是～爸爸～ ‛孩子说～‚那 儿只有一个警察呀!‛ 100字的英语笑话大全 Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时～家里没有奶酪了～于是女 主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过 7 / 10 了一会儿～他拿着一片奶酪回到房间～把奶酪放在客人的盘 子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:‚孩子～你的眼睛就 是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?‛ ‚在捕鼠夹上～ 先生。‛那小男孩说。 My Husband Will Be Home Soon A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face." James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!" "Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice... "Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!" The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!" 我丈夫马上就要回来了 8 / 10 一个已婚男人去拜访他的‚女朋友‛时～女朋友要求 他剃去胡须。 ‚噢～詹姆斯～我喜欢你的胡子～但我更喜欢看到你 英俊的面孔。‛ 詹姆斯回答说～‚我的妻子喜欢我的胡子～所以我不 可能剃掉它～否则她会杀了我的。‛ ‚噢～我求你了～‛女朋友用一种低沉的、性感的声 音又一次说道。 ‚可是～我不能～‛他回答道～‚我的妻子喜欢这胡子。‛ 在女朋友再三请求下～他终于屈服同意了。夜里～在 妻子熟睡时～詹姆斯爬上了床。 妻子朦朦胧胧地摸了摸他的脸说道～‚噢～迈克尔～ 你不应该在这里～我的丈夫很快就要回来了。‛ Things Have Been Okay A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned. You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother. I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long? Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been 9 / 10 okay. 一切都正常 一对年轻夫妇有个儿子～已经四岁了～还没有开口说话～他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治～但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时～那孩子突然开口了:妈妈～面包烤焦了。 你说话了!你说话了!他母亲叫了起来。我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢? 哦～在这之前～那男孩说～一切都很正常。 10 / 10