503 The One Hundredth

503 The One Hundredth [Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.] Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi. Nurse: Hi. Phoebe: Hi, yeah, hi! I'm umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of me. Nurse: Okay. Have you started having contractions? Phoebe: Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt? Nurse: Well… Phoebe: Oh my God! Ross: It's all right. Nurse: Now, which of you is the father? (Points to Joey and Ross) Phoebe: Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother. Nurse: (not sure what to do with that) Okay… Rachel: I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that! Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts? Phoebe: Oh, okay, umm, hi kids! Um, it's me, Aunt Phoebe. I can't wait to see you. Please don't hurt me! (Monica and Chandler come running in.) Ross: Hey, what took you guys so long? Your cab left when ours did! (There's a pause as they figure out what to say.) Monica: Well, we-we had to go back because I forget my jacket. Chandler: That's right. (Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.) Rachel: You-you're not wearing a jacket. Monica: Oh man! I did it again! Phoebe: (standing up) Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. (As she is talking Joey is sticking the camera under her skirt.) And then my mom wants to know-(notices Joey)-Joey, what are you doing?! Joey: I gotta get the before shot! 【在妇女同志裙子下面，before孩子出世以前的shot，那感情跟人体艺术差不多呀】 (She shakes her head no.) Opening Credits [Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Ross are entering.] Rachel: Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming. Phoebe: What?! Ross: Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head. Phoebe: Oh my God, she's so stupid! Ross: Look, Pheebs-Pheebs, it's gonna be okay. Phoebe: That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your vagina! Rachel: Honey, listen, y'know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful. Ross: Yeah, he's head of the department. Phoebe: All right—Ooh! Oh dead God, save me! Monica: What? Phoebe: I'm having my first contraction! Chandler: Oh no. Phoebe: Ooh, it's not bad. Chandler: Okay. Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.) double over/up： to fold something in half Take a sheet of paper and double it over 【显然并不是这个解释】 Chandler: Hey! You okay? Joey: Ooh, something hurts! Phoebe: Ooh, it's sympathy pains. Ohh, that's so sweet! Joey: Are they? I didn't know I cared that much. (The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.) Ross: Hello. Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits) Chandler: Did he just say, he loves Fonzie? Monica: That's what it sounded like. Chandler: All right… Frank: (entering) Hey! All: Hey! Frank: (To Phoebe) Hey! Am I late? Am I late? Nobody came out yet, right? Phoebe: No-no-no! We haven't started yet. Where's Alice? Frank: Uh, Delaware. She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazada stuff. Chandler: Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month, they give you 2% financing. Frank: Yeah. [Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.] Rachel: (entering) Monica? You gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses. Joey: Oh my! Rachel: They're male nurses. Joey: Not in my head. Rachel: Anyway, they want to take us out Saturday night! What do you say? Monica: Umm. (Looks at Chandler who is using the phone.) Umm. Umm. I don't think so. Rachel: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go. Monica: Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you if it's true. Rachel: What? Monica: Harder than it sounds. Isn't it? Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them. Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O… Rachel: Joey, how do you make that dirty? Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad… [Scene: The delivery room, Chandler, Frank, and Ross are with Phoebe.] Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies… (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.) playpen: an enclosed area in which a very small child can play safely, that is like an open box with sides made of bars or a net 【pen在这里不是“笔”的意思，而是“猪窝狗窝”，这样playpen的意思就好理解了】 Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt either—Ooh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Checks under the blanket.) Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it. Ross: Hey, where are Monica and Rachel anyway? Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them. Chandler: Really? Male nurses? Joey: Yeah, I was bummed too. Chandler: So they're going on dates? When? Joey: I think Saturday—(groans in pain again). Frank: (To Phoebe) What's with him? Phoebe: Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder. Dr. Harad: (entering) Okay! Phoebe: Hey. Dr. Harad: Let's see what we got here. Ohh, y'know, Fonzie dated triplets. Chandler: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor? Dr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz. Chandler: All right. (Dr. Harad exits.) Frank: It's not that weird, is it? Phoebe: It's very weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me, I'm y'know, dilatedamundo! Ross: To be fair, he doesn’t seem to be impersonating Fonzie… impersonate: to copy someone's voice and behaviour, especially in order to make people laugh In the film he amusingly impersonates a woman. 【区别impersonal】 impersonal: not showing any feelings of sympathy, friendliness etc Business letters do not have to be impersonal and formal. Sometimes she seems a very impersonal, even unkind, mother. 【在swordlover在英国上学，刚开学的时候，学校就给了一封致新生的信，其中就是提到说，学生不能跟教授套近乎，必须要让教授保持impersonal，但其实人非草木，岂能无情，说的归说的，做的归做的，虽然学生跟教授的联系很松散，大部分教授都叫不上任何一个自己学生的名字，但真正有心跟教授套近乎的，最终还是能在期末论文的分数上有所体现。出国前，swordlover曾误以为国外是一个说一不二只靠技术能力吃饭的世界，不会同中国一般能靠关系活动。但是经历了海外的生活之后，才发现，人性都是一样的，关系无处不在，公司里面老板的亲戚总是最吃香的，求职时，如果有朋友帮忙推荐，往往事半功倍，其实细心看好莱坞的影视也可以看到，富豪们总是围绕着高官的屁股转，其实，在国外，关系public relationship或者说social ability还是人的基本能力之一，韦小宝式的圆滑处世在全世界都是吃香的，如果你读书读得非常非常好的话，反而多半会被人误认为是没有社交能力的nerd，书呆子。出国前还曾听人说过，guanxi已经成为了英语中为数不多的从中文进口的词汇之一，但是发现却是一个谣传，guanxi从来没有进入过英语的任何一本字典，磕头kowtow这一单词倒是有的】 Phoebe: (interrupting) What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie! Ross: Again, it's not that he… (Phoebe fakes pain to get Ross looking for another doctor.) [Scene: The waiting room, Chandler is looking for Monica.] Chandler: (spotting her) Oh-hey-hey-hey! There you are! Monica: Umm, listen there's something I think you should know. Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around. Monica: Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I will go out with him. Chandler: Fine! Maybe I will too! Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.) [Scene: The delivery room, Ross has returned with another doctor. This one, is well, younger.] Ross: Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang. Phoebe: Hi! And you're going into what grade? Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early… Phoebe: (interrupting) Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor. Dr. Oberman: Oh no, I'm fully qualified to… Phoebe: Shh! Doogie, shh! Doesn't anybody understand that I'm gonna be having babies soon? Huh? Go! Go little boy, go! (He runs out and Frank watches him go.) Frank: Oh cool! You made him cry! [Scene: Another hospital room, Joey has now been admitted and his doctor is about to break the bad news to him, Monica, and Chandler.] break: if you break unpleasant news to someone, you tell it to them I didn't know how I was going to break the news to my mother. The doctor finally broke it to me that there was no cure. Joey's Doctor: Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones. kidney stone:肾结石 Joey: Umm, well, what else could it be? Joey's Doctor: It's kidney stones. Joey: Or? Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones! [Scene: The delivery room, Dr. Harad is back and checking on Phoebe.] Dr. Harad: All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are very, very lucky. Phoebe: They are. Why? Dr. Harad: They have the honor of being born on The Fonz's half-birthday. Phoebe: Happy birthday! Dr. Harad: Just-just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie. (Phoebe nods in agreement as he leaves.) Rachel: Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice. Phoebe: I know, it is. Rachel: Yeah! Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret? Rachel: Yeah! Phoebe: I want to keep one. (Giggles in excitement.) Rachel: Ohh, I'm gonna be on the news! Commercial Break [Scene: The delivery room, continued from earlier.] Rachel: Okay, Phoebe, honey, you gotta be kidding. I mean, you know you cannot keep one of these babies! Phoebe: Why not?! Maybe I can, you don't know! Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, I do! I do know! Frank and Alice are gonna want to keep all of their children! Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know? Rachel: Phoebe, no! This is, this is insane. Phoebe: Oh, just ask him! Rachel: Me?! Phoebe: I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out! feel sb out: to find out what someone's opinions or feelings are, without asking them directly I thought I'd feel out some of my colleagues before the meeting. Rachel: No! Forget it! I am not gonna ask Frank to give you one of his kids!! Phoebe: You're right. (There's an awkward silence then suddenly Phoebe gets an idea.) Phoebe: Tell him it's for you. [Scene: Joey's room, his doctor, Chandler, and Monica are there.] Monica: Feeling a little better sweetie? Joey: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up. Monica: Me too. Ross: (entering) Hey! I just heard. What's up? Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones! Now, ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break up the stones up with shock waves, but they're to close to the bladder now. Which means we can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra… urethra: the tube through which waste liquid flows out of the body from the bladder and also through which the semen of males flows Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an option—what's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?! [Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Frank are there.] Phoebe: (To Rachel) So did you ask him? Rachel: No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet. Phoebe: Well, I'm kinda on a clock here. Dr. Harad: (laughing) Oh Fonzie. Rachel: Y'know who I always liked? Mork. (Dr. Harad drops what he's doing and stares at her.) Phoebe: Undo it. Undo it. Undo it. Dr. Harad: Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie. Rachel: Yeah, but umm… Yes, but, Fonzie was already cool, so he wasn't hurt, right? Dr. Harad: Yeah, that's right. Monica: (entering with Chandler) Hey! Phoebe: Hi! Monica: (To Phoebe) How are you doing? Phoebe: Okay, doctor says any minute now. Frank: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in? Phoebe: Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do. (A male nurse enters.) Male Nurse: Hey! Rachel: Hi! Male Nurse: Rachel. Rachel: Monica, this is Dan (points to him), one of the guys that we're gonna be going out with on Saturday. (Mouths "He's yours." to her.) Uh Dan, Monica. Dan: Nice to meet you. Monica: Hello Dan! I'm really looking forward to Saturday night! Really, really! Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it? Monica: Chandler! Dan: Nah that's okay. I'm just doing this to put myself through medical school. Chandler: Oh. Dan: And it didn't feel so girlie during the Gulf War. Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.) Monica: So, why wait 'til Saturday, are you free tomorrow? Dan: Sure! I'll get somebody to cover my shift. Monica: Oh, great! Chandler: (to another female nurse) Hey, how 'bout it? You, me, Saturday night? Delivery Room Nurse: No. Chandler: All right. Very good. Phoebe: Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!! [Cut to Joey's room, who's going throw his own contractions. Plus, he has Ross in a headlock.] headlock: a way of holding someone around their neck so that they cannot move His opponent had him in a headlock . 【图上两人跟Mon和Chan倒有几分神似】 Joey: Ohh, get these things out of me! Ross: Breathe! Breathe! Breathe throw the pain. (Joey starts breathing hard) Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and forth, taking Ross with him.) Ross: I do too! I do too! Joey: Argh! Ross: Argh! Joey: Argh! Ross: Argh! [Scene: The waiting room, Frank is on the phone as Rachel approaches.] Frank: Yeah, I love you. Okay, bye! (To Rachel) Hi! Rachel: Hi! Frank: That was Alice's mom, she said she left five hours ago. She should be here by now! Rachel: Oh, honey, don’t worry. She's gonna make it on time. Frank: Yeah. Rachel: Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh? Frank: (laughs) Not to me. Rachel: Yeah, fair enough. [Scene: The delivery room, later on, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Frank are there as Dr. Harad is checking out Phoebe.] Dr. Harad: Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please. (They all kiss her and wish her luck.) Monica: Bye Dan! Dan: Uh, bye Monica. Chandler: Bye, momi-moo. (Everyone except Frank leaves.) Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31. Phoebe: What is that? (Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.) Phoebe: Oh my God! Dr. Harad: Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to start pushing. bongos: a pair of small drums that you play with your hands 【swordlover在英国，最喜欢的莫过于体验不同的文化。英国是个移民国家，所以有机会接触到很多国家的文化，最张扬的莫过于非洲的文化，非洲人喜欢在街头演，比如说在national gallery前经常可以看见黑人们抱着swordlover从所未见的形状怪异的乐器，吹吹打打，翻腾跳跃，即使在你住的社区，时不时黑人大婶，不管年纪大小，忽悠起来，便叫了几个老头子负责吹奏，跑到社区中心的空地，顺着音乐抱着屁股扭动起来，黑人大婶清一色都是丰乳肥臀，胖得连腰都看不见，引不起swordlover的情欲，但她们似乎也不care自己的身材，反倒显得对自己的身材很满意，尽情挥洒，倒也不失为一种风景。】 【最招摇的文化展示莫过于诺丁山狂欢节 Notting Hill Carnival了，每年八月，在诺丁山Notting Hill举行。Carnival翻译成中文成了“嘉年华”，但中文的“嘉年华”跟Party没有什么区别，而英文的Carnival则是户外的狂欢，又一文化的变异。swordlover在2003年的八月，有幸赶上了这个节日，当时swordlover冒冒失失地就过去了，地点啊活动什么的都不知道，顾名思义Notting Hill就是一座山Hill，结果下了地铁后发现原来Notting Hill压根就不是山，就一些普通的街道，找了很久都没找到，还跟警察问了路，回想起来，当时英语大舌头，有没有把Carnival（狂欢节）说错成carnivore（肉食动物）都不知道。后来打听了一下，才知道这个Carnival将有游行车队经过，在游行经过的社区和街道，已经很多地方堆起了震耳欲聋的高音喇叭，摆起了烤翅小吃啤酒什么的，而且就在街头，大家－－其实主要是黑人就忘我地跳起舞来。游行的队伍按着预定的时间经过街道社区的时候，则是最高潮。游行队伍是有各个小分队组成的，每个队伍都有一个旗手，队旗可以是国旗，宗教旗帜或者干脆就是自己设计的旗，从旗帜和肤色上看，非洲国家的人最多，占了约八九十吧，大家都经过精心装扮，越是奇特，越是有成就感，越能博得更多的掌声，也有越多的人找他们合影，跳舞，合影或者跳舞之后，还有些人吻别。跳舞swordlover还可以接受，但是吻别，swordlover想她们一天亲了多少人，肯定不卫生，所以虽然蠢蠢欲动，但最终理智还是战胜了冲动，坚决不带别的男人的口水回家。在游行的队伍中，有一队老外别出心裁地装扮成了中国人，他们戴着瓜皮帽，穿着大马褂，还抬着一个大轿子，轿子上用中文写着丰收的“丰”字，还真扮得挺到家。而其中，除了他们，还真有一对是货真价实的中国团体，他们敲着大鼓，吹着唢呐，前面一个童子耍着中国功夫鸣锣开路。在carnival上，每人手上都会拿着一瓶啤酒，在车队经过的地方，大家总要互动一下，这个时候dirty dance是最受欢迎的，所谓dirty dance，就是两人模仿做爱的姿势，两腿互相交叉，胯部贴着胯部地跳，又或者胯部贴着屁股跳，swordlover看了看，基本上没有超出《玉蒲团》的姿势，老汉推车、半边烧鹅腿、霸王硬上弓等中国古人已暗熟于心的姿势都没看见，因而不由得对中国人的祖先又多了几分景仰：），旁边的人也喜欢凑热闹，也要过来一团抱着跳。游行的队伍都有警察跟着维护治安，但是警察也未能免俗，很多警察脸上都画得花花绿绿，切合carnival的主题，甚至也大跳dirty dance。游戏队伍过去以后，也还不是结束的时候，震耳欲聋的音乐还继续放，大家还会继续跳，甚至在一些空地其中起来，由黑人乐队演奏，演唱，大家贴着跳舞。但carnival在西伦敦区，swordlover住在东伦敦区，离得较远，天色已晚，因此swordlover不得不先回去，回去的时候，因为人流太多，地铁封站了，为了找临近的地铁，swordlover又狠狠地费了一番功夫和脚力。】 carnival: a public event at which people play music, wear special clothes, and dance in the streets preparations for this year's carnival when it's Carnival in Rio a carnival atmosphere throughout the town Nottingham Carnival： a street carnival that takes place in the Notting Hill area of West London in August every year, mostly involving black people and famous for the colourful costumes worn and the steel band music played [Cut to Joey's room, his doctor and Ross are there.] Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.) [Cut to the delivery room.] Dr. Harad: Okay, now push! That's it push! Just concentrate on pushing! Yeah, here we go! Dan: I see the head. Frank: Yes, it has a head! Dr. Harad: All right. Keep pushing! Come on! Frank: I can't believe there's somebody coming out of you right now. There's somebody coming out of you! Is it? Is it? It's my son. Dr. Harad: All right. Here's your first baby. [Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.] triumphant: showing pleasure and pride because of a victory or success I feel exhausted, but also triumphant. Frank: YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!! Chandler: Yes! Frank: Frank Jr. Jr.!! Rachel: Oh, how does he look? How does he look? Frank: So gross! (He runs back to the delivery room.) [Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is about to give birth to the middle kid.] Dr. Harad: Okay. You ready to push again? Phoebe: I already had a baby. Leave me alone. Frank: Okay, okay, come on, you can do it. You can do it! (Phoebe screams in pain, and Frank screams with her.) [Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.] Frank: Yeah!! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't believe I have two-two children. How scary is that? (He returns to the delivery room.) [Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.] Frank: Come on little Chandler, it's time to be born. Come on little Chandler! Come on! Dr. Harad: All right, he's coming. He's coming! (They both stare at the newborn.) Frank: Hey, where's his thing? [Cut to the waiting room, a thrice triumphant Frank returns again.] thrice: three times 【中文里面喜欢把两个词语叠起来，如不用＝崩，不好＝孬，看来英国人也勤快不到哪里去，three times＝thrice，breakfast and lunch＝brunch】 Frank: Chandler's a girl! Chandler: Oh God, kindergarten flashback. kindergarten: a school or class for children aged five Frank: They musta read the sonog