only love

Only love My parents divorced. They quarreled a lot, hurted each other a lot,and even fighted a lot. Usually we don't define "fighter" of this kind,at least not with honor. And I,a little girl of sixteen,was hurted a lot,too.Yes, a lot,as much as you can imagine As their daughter,I could do nothing when they quarreled---they simply "enjoy" themselves,paid no attention to my words ,my cry,even when I felt the world is crashed,they didn't care. Sometimes,memory flash back,i stayed in the corner of room,expected they stop as soon as possible,but usually it took a long time,long enough to let me feel from disappointed,fear to angry,and at last I would shout to them to stop ,but have no effects ,they totally ignored me.At that moment,i was in pain. Now ,it's all over.Thanks god....Or should i? Quarrel ,hurt and fight....quarrel ,hurt and fight.......quarrel ,hurt and fight. Again and again. Sometimes I wanted to leave home,but indeed,i still love them,with a mixture of hate. They loved deeply,but now they hate each other,when they quarreled ,it really chilled my spine. I experienced these a lot,and, so,gradually a thought formed in my mind----"i hate hate"i want to love,only love. If there is no hate in the world,all the things will be different,very different.----There will be no hell,only heaven, It's only a dream too wild,but it can be imagined,everyone loved and loves will know what I'm talking about----even the water won't be wine,it's still heaven,heaven on earth. "what a wonderful world it will be!"I thought. "what a wonderful world it can be!"a voice answered. "who are you?"after a while of shocking,i saw around,but nobody's there,except me. "Hehe",again the sound appeared ,and it said "would you like to experience it?" "What's the trick?Where are you?" "In your mind,if you want ,call me Mr S." "Satan?"I was totally scared. "It's a outdate name",he said,sounded a little unpleased,"call me Mr S." "Get out of my mind!",I waved my hands, attempted to stop the unseen existing. "Easy ,chick,easy.I can fullfil your dream,a world without hate ,only love-----at least in your mind.Wander,never feel hate again.I can even trade it for wisdom with you,---true wisdom of life,with the price of your hate,one of all your words and what it stand for" What do you mean?"sounded a nice trade, "You just give me your thinking of hate,and from the time bargain is on,you will never feel the word hate,instead,you will feel other feelings: hoping,anger,with a peaceful mind,the wisdom you get. " "Sounds good",i thought. "And you can still say "hate","i hate you","i hate him',"i hate her":,but you will never feel the hate---you are just lying." "why should i bargain with Satan?" "Because it 's a chance god will never give you, God is timid,he won''t give you such chance,like he don't let adam eat apple---he is afraid of human being strong,especially mentally." It's good,sounds good,,really good. "Deal." "O.K.,start now." Suddenly,I felt like beIng strown into a space of colourless,my thoughts get out of my mind,and gradually,I felt normal,but with a feeling so fresh.maybe that's the feeling of pure love. "Good luck!"with a hollow laugh,it disappeared. What a wonderful world! Next day ,I went to school,talked it to my best friend,Miranda With my talking,she opened her eyes wider and wider,finally with her mouth shaped like an "O". "That's impossible!"she said. "Yeah,but I really did it." "Don't you know devils are wrong?" "But it sounds good',and it really does." "I can't believe you did it,what if.you break up with sb?" ''Just let the love fade away." "What if with yuor love?" "just do the same" "What about the wrong things others did to you? "Just take it as i can" "What will happen when you can't?" ""....."it really sounded difficult. "Hate is nature,though we don't like it,let's imagine.oneday your bag is stlolen,you don't hate him,is it wired?" "...." "the worst is ,if you oneday be raped,you still don't hate the guy?Although then we will ,and we hope we will let our hate fade away and start a new life,but that's abnormal not to hate him,it's bitch's thinking!totally!" "What are you talking about?!Not too much bad things will happen to one person." What a unpleasant conversation!I feel wired,but I still love her,I still. I felt a bit wired,but with the thinking of "nothing wired,we are friends",it passed, I still love her.It's o.k. In art class, stupid Tony made his pigment onto my clothes,I shouted to him,and the thing passed. But although the things passed,my anger don't. Was it fro the reason of I can't hate? Felt a bit of fear,a bit of worry.but i will hold on. I still love him,foI don't hate him,and I can't hate him,technically,is it o.O.K.? Two days later,my anger faded away,sounds a bit emotional,right? Two years later,i met a boy,Albert,he's cute and clever,we falled in love. Till now,i still can feel his touch,his kiss, and the nice days and nights we spent toghther. "What a wonderful world",I thought,"for always." But suddenly,the world is upside down,he died in an traffic accident. He is dead. My whole world crashed,our life experiences wheeling on my mind,his words,his smile.and all others. Great sadness tided to me,and it never got ebb. Maybe that's because i can't hate him. "Sometimes hate is an effective short cut for us to let your love be dilute. "Miranda said to me "we always say love is a chemical react.I think hate is too,and from brain chemistry,it must be true.It's like a chemistry reaction,the love and hate are the 'reactant ,they react with each other,and then we soon get peace.without hate and love,to let go is not a easy thing." I like Avril Lavigne's song,i like her attitude to difficulties,but this time ,I can't ""throw my hands up and let it go.",.no,not for my love.But does it means I should suffer so much?Satan,you cheated me to a terrifble bargain.But I can't hate you,I can't! After two month's suffer,i freaked out,i shouted,"i hate you!",i hate you!",i hate you!"till my tears fell like two waterfall,and then,i lost my power,down to my knees,and said:''but i don't know how....!" What a tragic. After two years of time i finally got out of my nightmare of thinking Albert and sinking in the quagmire of great sadness.For two years!Two years of great sadness!Usually a few month is enough to ruduce your pain to an acceptable level,and then you just need to live and work with them.but it has been two years for me. And it even could be longer. Thanks miranda,she found out a way to get out of the trouble,thought it's not perfect,i thank her as much as i can.One day, a great idea flashed into her mind,"we could play trick with the Satan." "How?" "Satan took your word of hate ,but it don't took your other words,then what about the word hate in other languages?technically,they are other words,the satan didn't take it,right?That's right,maybe you can't use hate again,but you can use the instead word,different words use diffeent part of the brain,it must work." I tried one,the French word "hair".Yes,it works! It's a gift from other language.Then, I learnd the German word of hate as "hass", "hassen",Spanish word for hat as "odio" ,"odiar" ,etc I use them instead of the word hate,in my mind,and the missing of albert get thiner and thiner,and hen I started a new life. And that''s why Satan wanted the trade:He wants people in pain. Hate is the creature of god,in void of human sink into love deeper and deeper,although we love love,we need hate,too.It's a balance,and finally,I got it. Real name in English Allen Yang In Chinese 杨达文 (please write this name on the envelope ) Wish to be published as Allen yang 1247 words E-mail address: allenyang12@yahoo.com Physical address: 中国 上海市 宝山区 通河路181号 404室 (it's in Chinese,and you need to write it on the envelope.)