摩登家庭第2季.02

ModrnFamily2.02Clair:Howcomwdon'thathsamnumbrofcontainrsandlids?Whywouldthyrgtsparatd?Phil:Builtuprsntmnt,monyissus,mtayoungrlid.Huh?Clair:Mmhmm.Alx:Mom,whr'smyscinchomwork?Clair:Uh,it'sorthronthtabl.So,Alx,hony,what'sgoingon?Anythingxciting?Alx:No.Clair:Anyboys?Alx:No.Clair:I'mflingalittlbitdisconnctdfromAlxrightnow.Lastwk,Ipickduphrcllphon,thinkingitwasmin,andIaccidntallyradafwflirtytxtmssagsthatwrprobablyfromaboyinhrclass,whichisfin.Orthy'rfromadriftr.Clair:Comon,isn'tthrsomthingyouwanttosharwithyourmommrs?Alx:Yah.Don'tcallyourslfmommrs.Phil:Hblwhislidwhnshtridtocontainhim.[OPENINGCREDITS]Camron:Okay.Whatdoyouthink?Mitchll:Ilikit.Camron:Butyoudon'tloit.Mitchll:No,Ido.Iloit.Camron:Asmuchasyoulodthothron?Mitchll:Ooh.Camron:Okay.Mm.Thhousisonfir.Ionlyhatimtograbonshirt.WhichondoItak?Mitchll:ThcorrctanswristakLily.Camron:Aftrthat.Mitchll:Uh,okay,thbluon.Camron:Bcausthgrayonwashsmout.Mitchll:No,no.Cam,youyoucan'tgowronghr.Erythingyou'tridonlooksgrat.Iloyouinbothofthm.Camron:Oh,you'rsonictom.Camron:Mitchllhasaproblmwithpublicdisplaysofaffction.Um,Irmmbroncatanwyar'sEparty,Strokofmidnight,hhighfidm.TwoproblmswiththatOn,gaysdon'thighfi.Two,gaysdon'thighfi.Jay:I'mhom!Mmm,whatsmllssogood?Gloria:I'mmakingchunchullo,atraditionalColombiandish,fordinnrwiththfamilytonight.Chunchullo.Jay:Whatisthatlik,uh,tacos?Gloria:Ys,liktacos.Manny:No,itisn't.It'sthsmallintstinofapig.Jay:Oh,gz.Whycan'twatrgularfoodliknormalpopl?Gloria:Itoldyou,Jay.Mygrandmothr,whorstsinpac,hasbncomingtominmydrams,tllingmthatI'mlosingtouchwithmyroots.Jay:S,thisisawkward,BcausmydadunclJotoldmtohastaktonight.Gloria:No,no,no,Jay.Hasomrspct.Mygrandmothrcanharyou.Manny:Whatdoyouman,shcanharus?Gloria:Wll,inourcultur,wblithatthdadarallaroundus.Jay:Sh'sright,Manny.Shcouldbrighthr,hrbonyfingrsrachingoutfromthgra.Gloria:Yah,kpitup,Jay.Thr'salradyondadprsoninthisroom.Youwanttomakittwo?Jay:I'msorry.I'gotaprintrtoinstall.Oh,Gloria,hayourgrandmothrrunmupanicdtainabout10minuts.Gloria:Yah,shhasabttrchancofmakingthatworkthanyou!Whydon'tyousausthstompingandthswaringandcallPhil?H'sgoodatthatstuff.Jay:Bttrthanm?Phil'snotbttrthanmatanything,Excptmaybmakingthatstupidsoundwithhismouth.Jay:Youspitonm.Clair:Haly,hony,um,Indyoutodosomthingform.Haly:Ugh.Mom,myarmhurts.Clair:Whydon'tyoufindoutwhatitisbforyoustartmakingupxcusstogtoutofit?Haly:okay,whatisit?Clair:Indyoutotalktoyoursistr.Ithinkthatthr'ssomthinggoingonwithhrandaboy.Haly:So?Clair:So,Iamyourmothr,anditismyjobtomaksurthatyougirlsdon'tgtinoldwithaprdator.Haly:Okay,mom,stopwatchingdatlin.Andwhycan'tyoujusttalktohr?Clair:Ihatridtotalktohr.Ishwon'ttalktom.Youknowthat.Haly:That'sbcausyougtsowirdrytimaboycomsnarus.Clair:IIjustdon'twantyougirlstoHaly:Tomakthsammistaksthatyoudid?Clair:No!No.Haly:Mom,I'mnotanidiot.Ipickuponthings.AndIdon'tthinkthatyouwrthgoodgirlyouprtndyouwr.Clair:Wow.Thatissountru.Iwasarygoodgirl.Clair:Yourkidsdon'tndtoknowwhoyouwrbforyouhadthm.Thyndtoknowwhoyouwishyouwr,Andthyndtotrytoliuptothatprson.Thy'rgonnafallshort,Butbttrthyfallshortofthfakyouthanthralyou.Phil:Whichiswhywdon'thidanything.Clair:That'sthoppositofwhatIjustsaid.Phil:Iwasnotlistning.Mitchll:Ohh.I'llsayitagainIloyouinPaisly.Camron:Oh,ltmlockthdooranddrawthcurtains.Mitchll:Whatdosthatman?Camron:Itdosn'tmananything.Good.Youknowxactlywhatitmans.Youwon'tkissminfrontofothrpoplbcausyou'rashamdofwhoyouar.And,ysIwntthr.Mitchll:Okay,youcan'tsay,ys,Iwntthr,Whnyougothrallthtim.And,bythway,I'mthonwhomaksspchsonairplansrytimsomonlooksatuswird.I'mthonwhogismydadhllwhnhrfrstoyouasmyfrind.Camron:That'sdiffrnt.That'sconfrontation.Butyouknowwhattaksralstrngth?Mitchll:Whining?Camron:Affction.Mitchll:Oh,thisisinsan.Buyingashirtit'snotakissworthymomnt.Camron:Oh,Ididn'tknowthrwasanofficiallist.Plas,tlluswhatisonthlist?Mitchll:I'lltllyouwhat'snotonthlistFindingjalapñostuffdolis,makingthlightonmapl,rytimwsa.W.Camron:Youdon'tlikkissbuggy?Mitchll:It'snotaralgam!Itit'sjustanothrwayforyoutobndy.IandIdon'tapprciatyoumakingmflbadbcausIcan'tliuptoyourimpossiblstandards.Nobodykisssatabowlingally!Camron:Ialmostgotaturky!Phil:yllo?Oh,hy,jay.Justasc.I'llgogtClair.Jay:Oh,actually,it'syouI'mcalling.Whatwasthat?Phil:Thcat.Thr'sacat.What'sup?Jay:Wll,Gloria'sbnmissinghrgrandmothr.I'bntryingtogtthisoldpicturofhrprintd,ButIcan'tgtthisnwprintrtoPhil:I'llbrightthr.Luk,grandpandsus!Phil:Hllsys,Iwasgladtogtthcall.Jay'salwaysaroundhrfixingthings,Crackingjoksaboutmydlicathandsormygagrsponstothsmllofpaint.LookwhondsmnowMr.Hotdogfingrswhocan'tprssprintWithouthittingthrxtrakys.Yah!You'rinmyhousnow,Jay!Ttchnically,w'llbinhishous,Butw'llbinmyaraofhishous.Haly:So,Iharyouhaaboyfrind.Alx:No,Idon't.Haly:Whoish?Alx:I'mnottalkingtoyouaboutthis.Haly:Oh,comon.You'rfinallyintrsting.Justtllm.Alx:H'snotmyboyfrind.It'sJrmyRd.It'sh'sjustthisboythatIHaly:Lo?Alx:No!Haly:Wll,hayouguyskissdyt?Alx:No!Haly:Wll,whataryouwaitingfor?Alx:I'mnotwaiting.I'm13.Haly:Andyou'nrkissaboy?Alx:Howoldwryou?Haly:Lik11.Anditwasbautiful.IwasinJacksonKanr'scarptdgarag.Alx:11?Haly:Yah.Soyoubttrgtonit,orlsh'sgonnathinkyou'ralsbian.Alx:H'snotgoingtothinkI'malsbian.Haly:Ithoughtyouwr.Youtotallyhathsandalsforit.Phil:Lt'ssthisbadboy.Oh,ap750.Nicunit.Iwouldhasprungforth840,ButIgtitNotryoncanhandlthatkindofhorspowr.Jay:Ithoughtmaybthcordlssphonwasintrfring,SoIunpluggdit.Phil:Goodida.Maybwshouldrundownstairsandunplugthtoastrwhilw'ratit.Luk:oh,snap,dad.Toastr.Phil:W'rkidding.Acordlssphonis5.8gigahrtz.Thisiswifi.It'satotallydiffrntspctrum.Walkwithm?Hr'salittltrickthatI'foundprttyusfulwithClair.thcomputrandthprintrmusttalk,talk,talkcommandpmaksthpicturwalk,walk,walkLuk:Howcomit'snotworking?Phil:Itshouldb.Okay.Uh,thatshouldbprinting.SoJay:Hy,Phil,I'mgonnagtabr,br,brbforIhityouinthhad,had,had.Jrmy:Hy.Whataryoudoinghr?Alx:Hi,Jrmy.Iwanttoaskyousomthing.Jrmy:Sur,askAlx:wait,don'ttalkyt.W'txtingforawhil,andit'sbnnic,ButIfllikit'sladingtosomthingls,AndIdon'tknowifyoudoornot,butIgusswhatI'mtryingtosayis,I'mjustagirlstandinginfrontofaboyaskingforhimtolikhr.Oh,god,that'sfromNottinghill.Sodorky.butarallyundrratdmoi.Jrmy:What'shappning?Alx:I'mnotalsbian.Iwouldlikforyoutokissm.Jay:Oh,Ilowatchingyoustir.Gloria:ThnIwillstop.Jay:What?Aryoustillmadatm?Gloria:Ys.Youhatoapologizformakingfunofmycultur,myblifs,mychunchullo,myabula.Jay:I'msorry.Ifyouthinkyourgrandmothr'shrwithus,Irspctthat.Now,comhr.Oh,grandma!Whr'dyoucomfrom?W'rgonnahatogtyoualittlbll.Gloria:Enough,Jay!Myculturisryimportanttom!I'bnworkingalldaytosharitwithyourfamilytonight,andallyoudoismockm!Justgo!Jay:Hony,I'msorry.I'mjusttasingyou.Gloria:Instadofbingthcomdian,whydon'tyouhlpm?Jay:Whatdoyound?Gloria:Slapthchickn.Jay:Dowhat?Gloria:InColombia,whnyoucookinhonorofthdpartd,Youhatoscardathawayfromthfoodtoprotctthpoplthatargonnaatit.Slapitandyll.Jay:That'sthnuttistGloria:Jay!Jay:Calmdown.Gimthchickn.Hrwgo.Gloria:Mmhmm.That'snotscaringanythingaway.Whnmygrandmothrusdtocook,Thwholhouswouldsh.Jay:Aah!Aah!Aah!Gloria:Loudr.Jay:Aah!Gloria:Highr.Loudr!Highr!Loudr!Thr!Gloria:Imadallthatup.ThatisnotaralcustominColombia.W'rnotlunatics.butyoumsswithus,andwmsswithyou.That'sthcustom.Gloria:Loudr!Clair:Hy,hony.Whr'dyougo?Alx:Nowhr.Justforabikrid.Haly:Oh,mygod!Puhlastllmthistxtiswrong!Didyourallyjustgoortothatkid'shousandtryandkisshiminfrontofamillionpopl?!Clair:Alx,didyoudothat?Alx:Yougotatxt?Haly:Oh,yah.Erybodyknows.Doyouknowhowmbarrassingthisisform?Alx:Thisisallyourfault!You'rthonwhosaidIhadtokisshimorIwasalsbian!Clair:Haly!Didyousaythattohr?!Haly:Oh,don'tturnthisonm.Lookathrshos!Alx:Ugh!I'mnrgoingbacktoschoolnow.Clair:No,swthart.Ys,youar.Youargoingbacktoschool.ButlistntomJustbcausaboysndsyouflirtytxtsdosn'tmanthatyouhatotxthimbackAlx:what?!Youradmytxts?!Clair:IHaly:Youradhrtxts?!That'swhyyoumadmtalktohr?!Alx:Youmadhrtalktom?!Clair:Ikindoffllikw'rspinningouthralittlbit.Look,Alx,thimportantthinghristhatyouhatobrycarfulhowyoubhaaroundboysbcausitissoasytogtarputation.Alx:Wll,I'msorryI'mnotaprfctlittlgoodgirllikyouwr!Haly:Wryou?Clair:Ohh.Haly:Wryou?!Ihighlydoubtit!Luk:Don'tbsuchachickn,thr'snoghostinhr.Manny:I'mtllingyou,mymomsaidhrdadgrandrwasinthhous.Shsaidshflthrhrthismorninginthisroom.Luk:Maybyourmom'smntallyill.Phil:whoputsaroutrinthattic?Luk:Didshhaalimpandacan?Manny:Uhhuh.Luk:GhostofManny'sgratgrandma,Ifthat'srallyyou,showyourslf!Manny:That'shr!Luk:Aah!Phil:Comon!Why?!Why?!!Haly:Hi,grandpa.Jay:Howwdoing,girls?Alx:Momruindmyliftoday.Clair:Ididn'truinyourlif.Iwas.Alx:Don'tntalktom!Ididn'tnwanttocomhr.Jay:Wll,okay.Snacksandsodasarinthliingroom,butdon'tfillupw'gotintstinscoming.Clair:Uh,dad,ifyou'rlookingforyourshos,IthinkIknowwhrthyar.Jay:ThishappnstobaColombiancustomwalkinginthfootstpsofthancstors,blah,blah,blah.Batsslappingthchickn.Camron:Hr,Ibroughtyouadrink.Mitchll:Oh,waitaminutsipitfirst.Camron:I'mnotmadatyou.Ithoughtaboutit,andmaybyou'rright.Icanbalittlndysomtims.Mitchll:Oh,wll,IIapprciatthat.Andyou'rprobablynotntirlyoffbas.Iman,lordknowsII'gotmyquirks.AndII'mnotthmostdmonstratiguyaround,ButI'mI'mworkingonit.Camron:AndI'mgonnahlpyouwithit.Mitchll:Good.Justdon'tgiuponm.Camron:Nr.Gloria:Okay,rybody,lt'sgathraround!Jay,comhr.TonightwdinonthtraditionalColombianrcipsofmyabula,mygrandmothr.Andnthoughsh'snolongrwithm,IamryhappybcausIhaallofyou.ToAnaMariaRosadlaImmaculadaJimnzMorals.All:ToAnaMariaRosaCamron:Thatwasbautiful,Gloria,justlikmyMitchll.Mitchll:Justslippdrightoffthr.Gloria:Ay,Camron,whathappnd?Onmomntyouwrthr,thnxt,onlyshos.Camron:I'lltllyouwhathappndMitchllismbarrassdtokissminfrontofothrpopl.Mitchll:No,youambushdm!Clair:Oh,Cam,comon.Don'ttakitprsonally.WhnMitchllwasinhighschool,HwasdatingthisgirlRobinSchir.Hwouldnrkisshr,ithr.Mitchll:That'sbcausIwasgay.Camron:What'syourxcusnow?Gloria:Ay,Camron,it'snotMitch'sfault.Hgtsitfromhisfathr.Jaydosn'tlikthloydoyinpublic,ithr.Jay:Ican'tbliyou'rcomingatmrightnow.I'mstandinghrwithshosaroundmynck,Andforthbttrpartofahalfhour,Iscramdthdathoutofyourmat.Now,whatdoyouwantfromm?Gloria:Don'tyous?It'sbcausofyouthatyoursoncannotkisshisownlor.Mitchll:Don'tsaylor.Camron:wdon'tliklor.Jay:Canwjustat?Clair:No.TllMitchthatit'sokaytokisscaminfrontofyou.Jay:Whyisthatsomthingwhatodo?Mitchll:Wdon't.Camron:Ofcourswdon't.Mitchll:Oh,I'msorrythatIdon'twanttomakoutwithyouinfrontofmywholfamily.Jay:Nondtoapologiz.Clair:Oh,Gloriaisright.Dad,youbingsomotionallyclosdoffmaksitrydifficultforyourchildrntoshowaffction.Jay:Rally?Clair:Ys.Jay:Youhadtroublshowingaffctioninpublicplacs?Clair:Ys!Jay:You?Clair:Ys.Jay:Wasthatbfororaftryouwrdlirdtomydoorinasquadcar,Waringnothingbutyourundrwarandapolicblankt?Haly:Oh,mygod.What?Alx:Youwrarrstd?Luk:Awsom!Clair:Notawsom.AndIwasn'tarrstd.Yourgrandfathrwasjusttllingajok.Jay:Itwasjustajok.Igotamillionof'm.Clair:Dad.Phil:Ididit!It'sprinting!Ihadtodownloadnwfirmwar,installnwdrirs,Changyourncryption,andrplacanthrntcablina100dgrattic,whildodgingparticularlyaggrssispidrs,ButIdidit!Jay:Thanks.Phil:Oh.Okay.Igussthat'sit.Jay:What?What'sit?Gloria:Wakup,dummy.Thisiswhatw'rtalkingabout.Thisguy'sbnworkinglikanimbcilalldayforyou.Poplndsomthinglskisss,hugs.Jay:What,forfixingaprintr?Phil:Oh,it'sfin.Itwasonlyfourhours.Itippdorapaintcanandthrwupalittl,butIthinkIthinkthanksaboutcorsit.Jay:Wll,what'swrongwiththanks?Clair:It'sprttymuchthbarminimum,dad.Manny:Jay,forgod'ssaks,justsaysomthing.Jay:Youwantmtosaysomthing?Howaboutyou'rwlcom?HowaboutI'mI'msohappytobhrforyouallsoIcantakthblamforallyourcrap.Ican'tdothis,Inrdidthat.Trustm,Igayoutwicasmuchasmyfathrrgam.Thmankissdmontiminmyntirlif.Hcamupbhindm,kissdmonthbackofthhad,Said,goodnight,Bcky.HthoughtIwasmysistr.Gloria:Waitaminut.WhnwasthlasttimyoukissdMitch?Jay:Whatdosthathatodowithanything?Gloria:Mitch,whnwasthlasttimhkissdyou?Mitchll:IIdon'trmmbr.Jay:Itwasn'tthatlongago.Mitchll:Iwas12.Gloria:12?Thisisthproblm!Jay'sdaddosn'tkissJay,SoJaydosn'tkissMitch,andMitchisuptight.Mitchll:Okay,okay,uptightwasrallynotonthtabl.Thisismoraboutkissing.Gloria:Jay,kissyourson.H'samss.Jay:Oh,comon,now.Mitchll:Wdon'thatodothat.It'sGloria:Ys,youdo.Mitchll:No.Clair:Comon.Comon,doit.You'rinfrontofyourgrandchildrn.Jay:Allright,allright!Shutup!Mitch,gtorhr.Mitchll:Wwhat,now?Wll,Iflwirdnow.Jay:Don'tbcoy.Whataryouwaitingfor,aboxofchocolats?Lt'sdothis.Camron:That'sthswtstthingI'rsn.Jay:Allright,andnowbcausInrwanttoharthisagainyou.Phil:Ohh.Jay:Notyou.Clair:Oh,daddy,Iloyou.Gloria:Lt'sgoatchunchullo!Manny:Youknowit'smadofpigintstins,right?Clair:Alx,wait.Alx:What?Clair:Iwanttotalktoyou.Alx:Mom,Idon'twantanothrlctur.Clair:It'snotalctur.Iwanttotllyousomthing.Hony,Iknowxactlyhowyou'rfling.Alx:No,youdon't.Clair:Okay,ththjokthatgrandpatoldtonight?Thatthathappnd.Thatthatwastru.Alx:So,youwrarrstdnakd?Clair:Iwasn'tnakd!AndIwasnotarrstdprs.IwasdrinhomonnightbythpolicbcausmyboyfrindandIhadgonswimminginsombody'spool,Andwdidn'thabathingsuitsandblah,blah,blah,thdtailsarn'timportant.Whatmattrsisthatrybodyatschoolwastalkingaboutit.AndIthoughtIwoulddi.Butitpassd.Iswar.Andnow,hony,I'mI'mgladithappnd.I'gotafunnystorytotllatdinnrpartis.Alx:So,howlongdidittakbforyouthoughtitwasfunny?Clair:Oh,god10,15yars.Alx:Grat.WhatdoIdoabouttomorrow?Clair:Idon'tthinkyouhatoworryaboutthat.Go,go,go.Gloria:InColombia,wkissforrythingbcausakisscanmansomanydiffrntthings.Manny:Thr'snoghostinhr,isthr?Jay:Notachanc.Slpasy,kid.Gloria:Itcanbthstartofsomthingnw.Itcanbhowwsay,thisisthprsonthatIlo.Camron:Sowho'sabttrkissr,moryourdad?Mitchll:Ew.Gloria:Itcanbromantic.Jrmy:Justsoyouknow,ifmyfrindswrn'tthr,Iwould'saidys.So,ifyoustillwanttoAlx:Ifit'sokaymaybwshouldhangoutmorfirst.Thisisonlythscondconrsationw'hadthatwasn'tbytxt.Jrmy:Whw!Gloria:Itcanalsobworthwaitingfor.Gloria:Jay,whatisthis?Jay:JustanothrnicthingIdidforyouwhilyoumadafoolofm.Mannyltminonyourlittltricks.Youflbadnow?Gloria:No.Iflgood.Mm.Gloria:Thatonisdfinitlymyfaorit.Clair:Phil,yourallydon'thatodothis.Phil:No.IIcandoit.Iwanttodoit.It'ssillytopaysomonlsjusttodosomthingOh!Oh,no!Oh!Clair:Oh,wait!No,no,don'tspillit!Swti,don'tspillthat!Phil:Oh!Oh,that'sonm!Clair:Carful!Oh,gosh!Oh!Okay,gtup.You'rfin.Gtitoff!Okay,Igotit.Igotit.Phil:Gotitoff.Gotitoff.Oh,thfac!Notthfac!Oh,thfac!Clair:Allright,I'llpullitdown!Phil:Ohh!Clair:You'rgood!Phil:It'sonm.Clair:Allright,I'mgonnahatoI'llcutitoff.Phil:Goodida.Gtabuckt,plas!