初恋50次 50 First Dates

50 First Dates script So tell me. How was Hawaii? - It was unbelievable. - Oh, yeah? - Well, what happened? - I met this guy. It was the best week of my life. It was just a little vacation romance. But he was so sweet. He took me to all these cool local places. We went scuba diving... - Snorkeling. - Mountain climbing. We went cliff diving. Well, we got a little drunk. - He gave me... - A back rub. We slow danced... ...in the rain. But it wasn't just about the sex. He pounded me like a mallard duck. It ended kind of weird, though. When I asked for his number, he said he's... - Married. - Gay. - Entering the priesthood. - He doesn't believe in phones. He just kind of ran away. You know, it was just a little fling, but... I won't forget my week... ...with Henry Roth. - Henry Roth. - Harry. Harry Paratesticles. - Henry Roth. - Henry Roth. - Henry Roth. - Henry Roth. Henry Roth, why didn't you tell me you were a secret agent? I prefer intelligence operative, and I couldn't tell you until I knew you. Well, can I call you when I land? You can call me, but I'll be in Peru. I said that a little loud. Come on, that's a 187, code blue. We got the wolf sleeping at night. He's slipping his arm in the drawer and out comes the cookie jar. All clear. Got it? Well, maybe when you get back from Peru. - I don't think that's an option, Lisa. - Linda. I know. I changed your name for your protection. We have to go our separate ways now. Well, goodbye. Got it! Moving out! - What the hell is your problem? - Just keep going, I'll give you $20. - You got it. How's your balls? - Killing me. Hit it. Easy, Honah Lee. Hey, I'm a person, not a seal. Well, I am a vet, not a doctor. So just hold still, or I won't give you a treat. I know, it's okay. You see that, kids? You see what happens when you play with sharks? Now, why you gotta spread those lies? Sharks are like dogs. They only bite when you touch their private parts. That's a good title for my documentary. Sharks: They Only Bite When You Touch Their Private Parts. Or you could call it, Sharks: They Tried to Eat My Kidney. All right, enough already. You too, Willie. All of you. He just cast a spell on us. All right. Put this on four times a day for two weeks. - You can handle that. - What's wrong with that turtle? Lung problems because he smoked too much turtle weed... ...which is bad for you. Right, Ula? What? I don't smoke weed. Hey, Honah Lee? How's that hot wahine nympho from Ohio? Great. I dropped her off at the airport this morning. Come on, I need some details. You get some booby, some assy, a pull on your poi-poi? Come on. Daddy, what's a nympho? Oh. The nympho is the state bird of Ohio. You're the state idiot of Hawaii. Here you go. Bite the fish, chew the fish, love the fish. Enjoy. - You crack me up, kamaaina. - Oh, yeah? - One of these days... - Yeah? ...you'll show one of those tourists such a good time... ...she'll wanna stay on the island. Why do you say mean things like that... ...and why is your foot on my pillow? I don't want your ass on it, either. Get up! Get up! It could happen. Then you won't be able to go on your boat trip to Alaska. You'll be stuck here, waking up next to the same old, ugly broad, just like Ula. - Just kidding, guys. - About the old part or the ugly part? Henry, come quickly! It's Jocko! Jocko! What's going on with you, buddy? Don't be scared. Everything's gonna be fine. Just stay calm. All right. Willie, I don't need you to see this. Get out of here, now! Okay, check the temperature of the pool. Go! Hurry! What are you doing? I meant check the thermometer! Give me a hand. Let's go! Get me two fish from the barrel. Now. - Okay. - Just hang in there. - Here. - It's gonna be all right. That's a little warm. Go to the bottom of the barrel, please. Okay, there. That's good. Thank you. Come on, buddy, take it. Take it. - He's not responding! - I know, Alexa! Sorry, I smacked you. You needed the fish-slap to calm down. - Do you understand? Are you calm? - Yes. Fish-slap calm me. I'm gonna try to get him breathing manually... ...so I need your face next to his mouth to see if it's working. - Are you ready? - Yes. - One, two, three! - Nothing, nothing! All right! Try it again. If it doesn't work we'll perform a tracheotomy. We don't wanna do that, so let's pray this works. One more time. One, two... That's a lot of vomit. This is why I got into this business. To save sea animals. You should go wash yourself off, okay? Maybe try some turpentine. That might take the stink away. Yeah, high-five is right, buddy. I knew you were gonna burp, but the vomit thing was awesome! That's what she gets for eating my roast beef sandwich. Willie, did you see that? Captain's log: November 5th, 6: 45 a. m. I've taken the Sea Serpent for a trip around the island of Oahu. It is by far the longest voyage she has yet undertaken... ...and its completion will signal that she's ready... ...for our great journey to Bristol Bay... ...whose unspoiled walrus habitat will yield an abundance of... Damn it! Are you kidding me? Aloha, honey. What can I get for you? I guess I'll take a cup of coffee. - You guess? - Yeah, I already ate breakfast. I need to kill some time before the Coast Guard gets here to tow my boat. What did you eat? I had a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and some Gatorade. They're not breakfast. I get you Spam and eggs. Nick, I need Spam and eggs. Hey. - You like the peanut butter cups? - Yes. Want me to put peanut butter cups in your eggs? No, that's okay. Peanut butter cups. - Hey, Sue, nice haircut. - Mahalo, Lucy. Are you staring at me or her? Because you're starting to freak me out. Settle down and eat your pancakes. I think she's a local girl. I wanted to go up to her... ...but I was kind of off my game. But, man, was she cute, though. I thought you liked your bitches from out of state. Yeah, that's usually my policy. Make sure I don't get tied down. Freeze that image right there. There's the little fella. Congratulations, Mommy. Sounds to me like someone is afraid of commitment. Let me guess. Your high school sweetheart got drunk at party... ...then cheated on you with whole wrestling team. Close. Actually, it was my college girlfriend Tracy. And it wasn't a wrestling team. It was her academic advisor. - Oh, she liked the older man. - Older women. About 50 years older. I hope you shot the stupid tramp. What's with the "tramp" and the "bitches" talk? - Are you drunk or something? - I apologize for nasty talk. I am grouchy due to lack of recent physical intimacy. Shut up, because here comes one-time-only opportunity. What I will do now is go into your office and become naked. Next move is up to you. I may not be as limber as I once was... ...but I make up for it with enthusiasm and willingness to experiment. I don't know if you realize, I'm not into guys. Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups. Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-in-One-Punch. How you doing? - You're back. - Couldn't get enough of that Spam. Fry some up and throw some eggs on it. - You got it. - All right, mahalo. - Hi, Lucy. - Hi, Nick. You know, why don't you try this? It's kind of a hinge. - Now, why didn't I think of that? - Well, you're too close to the project. Don't be hard on yourself. Right. Sometimes you need an outsider's perspective. Fresh eye never hurts. I'm Lucy. Yes. I'm Henry Roth. - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. It's pretty. Keep up the good work. Wait. I see you're sitting there alone. Do you wanna come and sit down? - Sure, that'd be great, if that's all right. - Okay. - So are you an architect? - I am not. I'm in fish. Oh, that's where the smell is coming from. Yeah, yeah, I was feeding a walrus this morning... ...and I thought I got most of it off of me, but guess I didn't. - I love that smell. - No, you don't. - Fish don't even like that smell. - No, I do. My dad's a fisherman. He and my brother Doug, they go out to sea for months at a time. And I miss them so much while they're gone that when they come back... ...I just hold on to them for five minutes each. And they smell just like your hands. It's the best smell in the world. Well, my fingers are available... ...for your sniffing pleasure anytime you need them. - Wanna? - Okay. Sea lions are known for their athleticism... ...and dolphins are known for their intelligence. - Walruses are known for their... - Tusks? Their tusks. Also their male parts can get pretty gigantic. Yeah, yeah, it's the second biggest out of all the mammals. - What's the first? - I think Tattoo-Face. I like your laugh. I like you making me laugh. I hate to break this up, but we're setting up for lunch. Oh, okay. Sorry, Sue. And the real cool thing about walruses is they're very mysterious. - Mysterious? - Yeah, yeah. We don't really know what they're like in the wild. Don't they just sleep on icebergs and yawn all the time? All we really see is what they do outside of the water... ...but who knows what they do under the ice... ...where they spend two-thirds of their lives. Well, maybe they're intimidating the other creatures with their big winkies. That is one theory. - I have to go. - Where you going? It's my dad's birthday, and we go every year and we pick a pineapple. - It's a tradition. - That sounds nice. Okay, well... ...I had a great time. - Me too. - Okay. Would you like to have breakfast again tomorrow morning, same time? - Because I teach an art class at 10. - Really? - Yeah. - I wish I could make it... ...but, yes, I will be there. - Take care. - Okay. - One for the road. It is fishy. - Got you good. - Aloha. - Aloha! See you tomorrow. Oh, my God. Oh, my goodness. Shit. I had a bee on me. - All right. - He was a big one. Which means "look at those two shitheads. " That was the stupidest-looking swing I've ever seen. I'm gonna take a Molokai on that one. No throwing. Come on. Stop laughing, you hyenas. Let's see what you get. Okay, you heard me. Go! Go! Show papa what you got. - You suck, you're good at everything. - Father of the Year strikes again. By the way, cuz, I met this sexy, blond tax attorney at Starbucks today. I told her you the kahuna she wanna have fun on this island. You want her number? You pimping tourists for me again? Yes! I live vicariously through you, remember? My life sucks. Now, come on. Give her the Waikikiki sneaky between the cheeky. Ula needs it. I imagine I did it and then I can get through another weekend. I'm staying in. Sorry. Thank you, though. - What? - Hey, Dad! Not now, Keanu Mokokokakau. But your stitches are bleeding. It must've been my huge back-swing. You think you can stitch me up after I get back from surfing? - Yeah, looking forward to it. - I wouldn't surf with a wound like that. You might attract a shark. What's wrong with that? Sharks are naturally peaceful. Is that right? How'd you get that nasty cut, anyway? A shark bit me. Nice. Go smoke another one, bro. That shark theory's starting to catch on. Now, will everybody keep it down... ...while I whack the crap out of this thing? Sit! Stay! Shit! No! Where the hell is it? Looking for something? Oh, my God! What are you doing here? The same thing you are. Looking for my ball. This is weird. I've been thinking about you all morning, all day. Can't wait to have breakfast with you again. I know. And I just wanna eat you up. - Really? - Yeah. Tomorrow and the next day... - ... and the next day and the next day. - All right. Okay. Oh, my. Oh, Lucy, that feels so good. No, my nipples are too sensitive. Stop that. - What happened? - Your ball hooked into that cart... ...bounced back and hit you in the head. It was freaking hilarious. - What? - Who's Lucy? And what's up with your nipples? I can't be falling for a local. I ain't ever going back to that diner. - This where you got hit? - Yes! You're so lucky you're a professional cliff diver in Hawaii. - Yeah, well, it's a living. - I'm a tax attorney. - We never get to have any fun. - Is that right? I'd like to do something extra fun tonight. Taking it deep, aren't you? How about another fishbowl for the lady? - Why don't I just tap a keg for her? - Okay. I think I'm getting kind of drunk. - Are you getting drunk? - Getting there. So, what are you thinking? What am I thinking? Actually, I'm not drunk at all, Noreen, and neither are you... ...because there's no alcohol in these drinks. Sadly, I've used this technique many times. It helps lovely tourists, such as yourself... ...loosen up without impairing your ability to stay awake... ...and have guilt-free, vigorous sex with me. - Wow. - I'm sorry. I'm not a cliff diver, either. I'm afraid of heights. Well, since it's my last night in town... ...can I pretend you didn't just say that and still have sex with you anyway? I can't do it. I'm sorry. Well, can you at least point me in the direction of someone who can? That guy over there could help you out. - Isn't that a woman? - Jeez, I'm not really sure. But you're too drunk to notice, remember? Take care. - Hey, you. Aloha. - Aloha. Not aloha, "hello," aloha, "goodbye. " We're closed today. Go away. - What are you talking about? - Order up! - Don't move. I have to talk to you. - Okay. - Hey! Tattoo-Face! - Hey, Peanut Butter Cups! Hi. Hi. My fingers are extra fishy today, if you care to take a whiff. What was that? I was petting my walrus all morning and thinking of you the whole time. Okay, pervert. I think that you should leave. What? I was joking because of what we talked about yesterday. Yesterday? I've never even met you. - Nick! I need help! - Coming, Lucy. Nick, put that down. I'll handle it. - You, follow me. - Wait a... What's going on? I was kidding around with you! What's happening here? Is she crazy or something? Lucy is a very special person. Very different from other people. Okay. About a year ago, Lucy was in a terrible car accident. She and her father went up North Shore to get a pineapple. Her father broke some ribs, but Lucy suffered a serious head injury. She lost her short-term memory. So she can't remember anything? No, no, no, she has all of her long-term memory. That's a different part of the brain. Her whole life, up to the night before the accident, she remembers. She just can't retain any new information. It's like her slate gets wiped clean every night while she sleeps. Hold on. This sounds like something I would tell a psycho girl... ...so she'd stop calling me. Am I the psycho girl? I wish I was making this up! She has no memory that she ever met you. What about the pineapple-picking thing? She says that every day, because each morning... ...she wakes up thinking it's October 13th of last year. She comes for breakfast because that's what she did on Sundays... ...and October 13th was a Sunday. She has no idea it's more than a year later. She reads the newspaper. It's a special paper her father puts on their porch. It's from the day of her accident. He got hundreds of them printed. Lucy does the same thing every day. - Hello! - Back here. - Hi, Dad! - Oh, hi, sweetie. You got one without me. The lady at the farmers' market gave it to me as a birthday present. I didn't wanna hurt her feelings. I think she likes you. - Yeah, what's not to like? - What about our tradition? Well, I have another idea. I painted my workshop yesterday. White. Now it's too white. Gives me a headache. Oh, yeah, you definitely need some color in here. Well, you know, that's what I was thinking. - Really? - Yeah. Go nuts. - Paint me something for my birthday. - I will. And promise that we can pick a pineapple for Thanksgiving, okay? - Sounds great. - Okay, good. Hey, you should watch the Vikings game while I'm painting. Good idea. - Yeah, baby. Isolate. - What are we eating tonight, Doug? - Spaghetti, Pop. - Try not to sweat in the sauce. Sorry, Pop. Go Vikings. Seven hundred and five. Seven hundred and six. - Seven hundred and seven. - Hey, you guys. Hey, sweetie. How's the painting coming? - You'll see. - Cool. - Oh. What's the score? - The Vikings are on the two-yard line. - If they score, they bring it to 14-10. - Maybe they'll win for your birthday. And I'll bet Culpepper runs it in. I'll bet he fakes a handoff to Williams, throws to Kleinsasser in the end zone. - Loser does the dishes? - You're on. ...keep the offense on the field. Culpepper fakes a handoff to Williams. He will throw. He's got Kleinsasser in the end zone! Touchdown, Minnesota. Doug, you're good. Maybe you should be a coach. - Dad. - Moron! That hurt. And you don't look a day over 25. Yeah, right, and Doug's muscles aren't pharmaceutically enhanced. What? I use an herb supplement... ...that can be purchased at any health-food store. Check this out. Check out these glutes. Rock-hard, baby. Pretty sweet, huh? Stop it! You're gonna make me throw up on the cake. Okay, just open your present. Okay. Let's see what we've got here. The Sixth Sense. Hey! When I'm done doing the dishes, do you guys wanna watch it? - Sure. - Sure. Ben Friedkin? Some people, they call me freak. - Ronald Sumner? - I am. I am a freak. Look at me. Just give me a chance... I can't believe it. Bruce Willis is a ghost. I'm shocked. Did you see that coming? - No. - Not a clue. - Shocked as hell. - Anyway, it was awesome. - Happy birthday. - Love you, Sis. Your muscles are getting so big, I can barely wrap my arms around you. You like that? Check this out. Okay, okay! Enough with the titty dance! Let your sister go to sleep. - I like it. - Sweet dreams, Lucy. - Good night. - Good night. Hey, Tracy, how you doing? Yeah? Well, things changed a little bit since high school. And this is what happens every single day. How long it gonna take for her memory to come back? Her doctors say it may never come back. So, basically, what you're saying is... - ... she's perfect for you. - What do you mean? You can hang out all day with no attachment, because... Her plane leaves every night? There's a problem with that. - What is? - It's evil. No, it isn't. You meet her, hang out, flirt, no commitment, nobody gets hurt. - She's got brain damage, you psycho. - Okay, I'll give you that one. But I think it'd be healthy for you. You haven't allowed yourself to connect with a girl. I appreciate your interest, but leave me alone. Hey, you'd be doing exactly what her father does: Giving her a wonderful day. When it's time for you to go on your big boat trip, poof, you just leave. She'll never even know you're gone. I'm not sure about the "poofing" part, because I'm not a good poofer. Demonstrate a good poof for me? Quit busting my coconuts for five seconds. All right. Would you stop poofing on that joint and do some work? Okay. Let's get this sucker ready. Then we're gonna take her out for a spin. Captain's log: November 7th. Nearly midnight. The Sea Serpent is fully recovered from her mishap... ...and ready to once again brave the open ocean. I think my stitches opened up again, cuz. You got a cat? Because I feel something licking me. How is it? Peanut Butter Cups. What are you doing here? I just wanted to say hi to Lucy. I promise you I'm not gonna do anything wrong. What did Sue say? She said that if I talk to Lucy, you'll kill