英文版 一个购物狂自白

英文版 一个购物狂自白 [Woman] When I was a little girl, there were real prices and mom prices. Real prices got you shiny, sparkly things that lasted three weeks, and mom prices got you brown things... ...that lasted forever. You notice they were percent off? Look at... [laughing] [Woman] But when I looked into shop windows, I saw another world. A dreamy world full of perfect things. A world where grown-up girls got what they wanted. [Woman] They were beautiful. Like fairies or princesses. They didn't even need any money, they had magic cards. I wanted one. Little did I know... ...I would end up with . [Woman] Rebecca Bloomwood. Occupation: Journalist. Jacket: Visa. Dress: AMEX. Belt: MasterCard. It's vintage. And I got one percent cash back. Bag: Gucci! And worth every penny. Moving to New York, I met guys. And that kind of put things in perspective. 'Cause you know that thing, when you see someone cute and he smiles, and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well, that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better. [Rebecca] You see, a man will never love you or treat you as well as a store. If a man doesn't fit, you can't exchange him seven days later for a gorgeous cashmere sweater. And a store always smells good. A store can awaken a lust for things you never even knew you needed. And when your fingers grasp those shiny, new bags... [Rebecca] Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, no... I spent $. So you are covering the yard and tool expo, right? I'm on it. [Phone ringing] [Rebecca] OK, don't panic. Calm. Calm. Bloomingdale's. Well, that would be the pants. I had to get the pants to match the... Oh, shoes. I... [Rebecca] Hold on... Somebody's stolen my credit card! Oh, my God. Somebody has stolen my credit card and gone on an insane spending spree around New York. No! Yeah! Outdoor World? I've never been to Outdoor World. Yes, you have. You bought that tent, remember? No, I didn't. For Kristen's going-away present. Never seen a tent. I organized the collection and gave you the money. Oh... "Special skills: Fencing"? Fluent in Finnish? [Rebecca] What? Who doesn't pad their resume? Shoe! Thanks. Why can't you get changed in your own office? And let everyone at Gardening Today know I've secretly arranged an interview at Alette magazine? Did I mention I have an interview at Alette magazine? Only about a billion times. OK... It's kind of a leap, isn't it? Gardening to fashion? I mean, not that I meant you couldn't do it... Suze... since I was I wanted to work at Alette magazine. If I can just get this job I will be happy forever. Wow. [Rebecca] Rebecca, you just got a credit card bill of $. You do not need a scarf. Then again... ...who needs a scarf? Wrap some old jeans around your neck, that'll keep you warm. That's what your mother would do. You're right, she would. The point about this scarf is that it would become part of a definition of your... Of your psyche. Do you see what I mean? No, I do. Keep talking. It would make your eyes look bigger. Mmm... [sighs] It would make my haircut look more expensive. You'd wear it with everything. It would be an investment. You would walk into that interview confident. Confident. And poised. Poised. The girl in the green scarf. The green scarf, please. Good choice. It's the last one. That'll be $. How would you like to pay? Here's $ in cash, can you put on this card... Ten on that. Twenty on that. It's so cute. Declined. Really? Could you just... Could you try it again? [Register beeps] Really declined. Could you put this to one side? I can't hold sale items. Excuse me. It's an emergency. [Man] Back of the line! Excuse me, this is an emergency. Excuse you, excuse me! Do you do cash back? What? If I give you a check for $, will you give me one of your hot dogs and $ cash back, please? Do I look like a bank? I have an interview. They don't hold items. It's a desperately important scarf. Desperately important scarf. Know what? It's for my great-aunt. She's in the hospital. Can you ask them to turn the heating up? Want mustard with that? Please. I will buy all of your hot dogs. You'll take hot dogs? Done. Who do I make it... That means you just paid $ for a hot dog! You want your scarf, I want my hot dog. Cost and worth are very different things. Thank you! My aunt will really appreciate it. Hi. Hi. I'm here for the interview at Alette magazine. Alette... Oh, filled, internally. Yesterday. They did post it on the Web. Let's see, who got the job? Oh... Speak of the devil. Alicia... Billington. She has the longest legs in the world. She notes resentfully. Great. [sighs] Faulty. Nice scarf. Thanks. I bought it for the interview. Scusi... [whispering] Come on. As we speak, interviews are being held at Successful Saving. The money magazine? Snort not, sweet child. Alette may be your Emerald City, but Successful Saving could be your yellow-brick road. Dantay-West is a family of magazines that acts like a family. Deeply nepotistic. Ugh. So my advice to you, dear Dorothy, is thus... Once you're in... you're in. I'm in. [Phone ringing] [Woman] Hello, Successful Saving. [Inhaling] Ms. Bloomwood? So what form does this interview take? Is it just mainly a general chat, hobbies... Oh, no, no, no. It's very specific on finance. Butterfly investments, futures. That sort of thing. But he's worth . billion... Good luck. Thanks. We talked and talked. Said nothing. Yeah, of course I did. He understands the rules. It's always... Of course we got the bill. Listen, I've got to go. I'm interviewing. Mm-mm. Yeah, no, not me... Bye. Sorry about that. Right, um, Rebecca... Ah! We met! Hi! We did. Thank you. Sick aunt, scarf. Yep. Did you get it to her? I did. And when a stranger is kind like that, it's just... Wow. That's lovely. Um... Do you have a resume for me? I do. Yes, I do! Ah... [grunting] I... could pretty much just tell you. My name is Rebecca Bloomwood, I've been a journalist for five years. I'm very comfortable juggling numbers, I speak fluent Finnish, I know... Finnish? Yes, Finnish. I'm also... That's interesting. Why Finnish? What's behind you? Um... [panting] Oh, my God. Oh, it's a naked man. Oh, sorry. It gave me such a fright. I, uh... I didn't know what it was. Clearly, he's beheaded. Who would do that to him? [Clears throat] Well, a few questions. But, look! Makes you wonder what they're looking at on the fifth floor, right? You could turn your desk around and just stare at it all day. I would. [laughing] Not. Ms. Bloomwood. I'm not a pervert. Sit down. I'm sorry, I'm terrible at interviews. Any financial stories that have caught your eye recently? Yes. And I am glad that you brought that up. Because I am furious. No, I really am. No, I mean, what is the story with the recent fish crisis? Fish crisis? Fiscal... crisis. Fiscal crisis. Terrifying. Fiscally, I mean. How so? For the fiscal family. I'm sorry. Not a moment too soon. Ms. Bloomwood, you dropped your scarf. She died. Oh, Ms. Bloomwood, you have had a very, very tough minutes. I'm glad you understand! So many people just... Right. OK, so I would propose we curtail... Did you just scrub my name off? Oh, no. Routine. That seems premature. OK, I'm gonna propose that we curtail this interview forthwith. So I'll leave you and your numbers, but thank you very much for seeing me, and I appreciate... Oh! [Groaning] I appreciate everything. Good day. Good day. Come on. Let's go give Mrs. Great Outdoors her tent. [Sobbing] She's not retiring. What? She's abandoning a sinking ship. That little rat! The magazine's folding and she knew! She knew and she didn't tell anybody. Well, on the bright side, you hated working for that magazine. [Sighing] It was my income, Suze. I need my income! OK, Bex, the most important thing is not to panic. [Phone ringing] [Suze] Don't answer the phone! [Both] No! It might be a debt collector! Hello? It's Derek Smeath. The list. Get the list! I think I saw it over here. Take the lamp! It's here! Bloomingdale's... Hospital for depression. Detained in Finland on work. Visa, dead dog. All City Debt Collection. You have to do it. Hello! Hi! [Derek] Ms. Bloomwood? Hello. I'm sorry. It's actually not. She's still recovering from... You know... OK. I'll have her call you as soon as... Yes? As soon as she's come back from... From... Finland! Finland! Clearly she's not too... Aah! [Phone clatters] Why do so many of your excuses involve Finland? 'Cause no one checks up on Finland, Tarkie. How am I going to pay you the rent now? Well, I'm ripping up your rent check! No, Suze, you can't do it again. It's my apartment, well, my parent's apartment, but it's my rules. I'm gonna buy you the biggest present. I am! I know where I'm going to go. There's a sale at Macy's! Tarkie... I'll be at my place. Thanks, baby. Bex, I'll get the tequila, you get the bills. I'll do this. It can't be that bad. It's just like a Band-Aid. It's gonna be fine. [Both gasping loudly] Bex! Two hundred dollars on Marc Jacobs underwear? Oh, underwear is a basic human right. Seventy-eight dollars on lavender honey! I felt sorry for the shop assistant. She had a lazy eye. I didn't know which way she was looking. It was so sad. I can't even talk about this one. A foot spa? What were you doing at a foot spa? Let's take a break. They said I was a valued customer. Now they send me hate mail. [Adding machine rattling] [Suze] Bex. Oh, God... How are you going to pay off sixteen thousand twelve hundred and dollars and cents with no job? I could win the lottery. Maybe you should have a backup plan. Oh! Backup plan, I got it, I got it. Backup plan. OK. When Tarkie thought of his dream job, he, um, wrote this proposal just about him, you know, what he's made of and that's what you can do. You can write a fashion piece and send it to Alette. Like, "Hey, Alette, look what I can do!" You just gotta figure out what to write about. "Consider your shoe an investment. Everything is resting upon it. The most important point is that every shoe should earn its place in your..." Bex, this is so funny. You're so smart. You're the best writer ever! Do you like it? You're fabulous! Wait! Another one. To that guy at that savings thingy magazine who didn't hire me. [Laughing] "Dear Uptight Editor... You can stick your job up your ass." Man on a bike! Hello! "Here's $. Buy yourself some decent clothes." I'm back! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is for Alette magazine. Please, please. Kiss it for good luck. Mwah! And this one... ...is for Mr. Successful Saving. Bleah... Money, money, money. I better get the job, I've got no money. [Sobbing] I've got no money. Doesn't this just cheer you up? It's not working, Mom. Come on, you'll get another job. Life is like a swap meet. You never know when great riches... ...are going to turn up unexpectedly. What can I get for a quarter? This! Comme ga? It's fantastic. on cell phone] What are they gettin' for that? It's growing on me. How much for this? Twenty dollars. Oh! ? Hola? Um, Rebecca. Luke Brandon, Successful Saving. Yes? Sorry to call so early, but I got your letter. And I have to say it was a bit of a surprise. Well, I hope I made my point. Oh, you did. You did. Very well. The whole metaphor. Very clever. Yes, wasn't it. The whole metaphor was... Wait... What? I'm sorry... Describing the principles of security investment in terms of the way different women purchase different shoes was... different. Hello? Sounds like you might be in the middle of something. I was trying to say that it gave me an idea. [Clears throat] Would you like to come in? I don't... Can I help you, dear? I think I just sent the editor of Alette magazine $ to buy herself decent clothes and stick her job up her ass. [Elevator bell dings] [Grunting] [Gasps] [Indistinct chattering] These go... [elevator bell dings] Hey, clothes for Alette. [Woman] I'll call her assistant. Hi. Clothes are here for Alette's approval. She'll be right out. What do you think about you and me going out on Friday night? Ooh... I mean, if you want to. Would you like to go out on Friday night? I don't know. I might have plans. You might... Do you ever wear any of this stuff? Some of it's a little far out for me. Totally far out. Yeah. It's crazy, but I guess that's the world of high fashion? [Chuckles] Yes. Yeah, I know about that. I am one of the best. I don't let this out of my sight. I guard it with my life. A lot of pressure on me to make sure everyone gets these letters... Get them there on time. Got to get my job done. See, I take my job very seriously. Yes. And to deliver... Oh, really? And to deliver the mail, but as the mail carrier it's a lot of pressure on me to get people their letters, I've never lost a letter yet. [French accent] I want no more vertical buttonholes. I'm so bored with vertical buttonholes. Is this for the Kaleidoscope shoot with Paolo? [Speaking French] Oh, but this! [Gasps] Cavalli. He has read my mind. It's marvelous. We can use it all. Take it in. [Alicia gasps] Oh, God. What are you doing? This is Alette. Is this where you should be? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Dantay-West didn't hire me to be an editor of this magazine. They hired me to throw it a rope and pull it out of the swamp. [Knocking on glass] And that's... Hi, everyone. I'm Rebecca Bloomwood. Sit down, Rebecca. What makes a magazine move from the newsstands? [Chair squeaking] Real, unvarnished stories, whether the people that we are writing about like them or not. Successful Saving is currently the People magazine of financial journalism, and this is where that ends. From now... [pencil sharpener grinding] Sorry. From now on we don't copy, we examine. We probe. Ooh! I liked your piece. I said that on the phone. Good. Good. Hayley! What do you say a three-week trial. And give her this cubicle. Oh, this one's lovely. They're all three by six. You can start with a thousand words on the effect of changing interest rate on store card APRs. Good. [Whispers] You still have the label on your new glasses. What? Oh. You took a job at a savings magazine? You? I know it sounds bad, but it is, in fact, part of a very structured plan. Yeah, that's great, but then in a lot of ways it's kinda not great. What do they call it when an animal rights person gets trampled to death by a cow? I don't think there is a word for that. "Ironic." Ironic that Rebecca Bloomwood is advising people on how to handle money. But I guess it would be nice if my maid of honor could afford her own dress. He asked? Yes! Oh, my God! You should've been there. How did he say it? [Man] Hey! The, uh, credit limit on your card was reached. You know, I think I want my husband- to-be to propose to me in Barneys. What are you doing? Nothing. [Girl] Yes, you are. I just found the perfect book for you. Control Your Urge to Shop, with Garrett E. Barton. That's me. Do you find yourself constantly drawn toward stores? Yes. Nope. Does your heart quicken when you see new merchandise in neatly stacked piles? Yes! This guy's good. No. Did you answer no to these questions and are consequently in denial? Yes. No! Did you just say "no" again? No. [Both] Yes. Step one: De-clutter your life. Throw it all out. Just box it up and toss it! Simplicity and order are your new watchwords. [Phone rings] Excuse me. Hello? [Grunts] It's a fresh start calling. And it's for you. [Creaking] [Garrett] On your way to work, ignore the siren call of the store window. Your new mantra is, "Do I need this?" No. What's this? A thousand words on store card APRs? Which looks as if it's been copied straight out of Money for Dummies. No, I wanted a thousand words on APRs from an angle. Is that not an angle? Not unless you call "head-on" an angle. No, I don't. Try it again. Remind me why I hired you. OK. Rebecca? [Yelps] Did you just type "good angles on APRs" into Google? Yes. I Googled. Am I fired? Get your coat. You know these guys, right? Comintex? Communications company? Yes. Absolutely. This year has been a year of unparalleled growth in the communications industry. Overall, pal. Not in your company. For us, at Comintex, profits reflect that this has been a year of acquisitions, both of APL and of the Dutch fiber-optic company, Zandak. Neatly masking the million in bonuses these guys paid themselves. Hmph. I know. Now, what we have here, Rebecca, is a situation in which someone needs to be asking some very hard questions. Absolutely. Put your hand up. What? No! Put your hand up. I don't have hard-hitting questions. I'll give you questions. I'm gonna take notes. No, Put your hand up. I'm more of a student. You'll be fine. Put your hand up. Hello. Hi. Hello. He's not listening. He can't hear me. Louder. Stand up. Rebecca Bloomwood! ...should see a... Hello. [Indistinct chattering] From. From. From. From. Hi, from Successful Saving. It's a magazine. We'll be taking questions after the report. Good. Uh... Ask him how much he earns. How much do you burn? Earn. Earn. Excuse me? Louder. What do you earn? We'll take questions after. Why award themselves bonuses... Why did you award yourself bonuses... ...twenty-four million... ...of ... Twenty-four. Million. ...billion... Million dollars... ...while investors lost eight percent? ...while your investors lost eight percent? [Gasps, indistinct chattering] As I said, I'll be happy to answer questions... Is that true? A long pause and no answer. Long pause, no answer. No, no... OK. You know why we did that? Some kind of cruel initiation rite? Listen to this. "Security can mean different things to different people. For some, it's going to a party wearing the right shoes. This might leave you feeling secure for an evening, but have a crippling effect on you in later life." I wrote that. You wrote that. Now, what firms like Comintex thrive on is an endemic lack of public understanding. They get away with murder because... Maisie with a root beer and a $ investment portfolio, what does she know? What does she actually know about what those guys are doing? What she's told. And if the magazines she looks to for answers aren't asking the right questions, it isn't good for Maisie. I want you to tell the truth in a way that Maisie can understand. Now, go home, write me an initial outline and e-mail it to me by :. OK? Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Nice! You know, I just got a call from Jeff Kanter at Comintex. They're having their stockholders' meeting. Yes, I sent someone. Yeah, you did. A real find, actually, the girl I sent. She's sparky, honest. Exactly the type that I was hoping to find. I assume that's why Edgar West got you to recruit me. Damn it! Ooh. Slice. I hired you to fix the bottom line of this magazine, and we know the key to that is advertising revenue. Now, you hired me to create a product that sells, not to sell a product. What if I'm with Edgar West. We're playing golf, and he just turns to me, sort of nonchalantly, and says, "Hey, I'd like to know why Luke Brandon decided to hire a journalist who could damage the commercial interests of Dantay-West." What do you think about that? I haven't, because she won't. [All chattering] [Woman] I feel like I've run a marathon. [Woman ] They have Galliano! They have Gucci half off, Calvin Klein half off! You'll get your turn, just be patient. [Rebecca] At every point I will ask, "Do I need this?" There's another entrance this way! [All screaming] [Rebecca] Well, these cashmere gloves I need as it is winter and I have... hands. So that's all. I'll buy these and these alone. [Woman] My gosh, Missoni! [Rebecca] Now walk away, strong and frugal. [Gasps] Oh, my God! Pucci boots. Fifty percent off? Do I need these? [Grunting] Do I need these? [Gasping] Do I need these? No. Jeannie, Pucci boots! Uh, oh, I'm so sorry. I had 'em first. But you put them down. No, I know I did, but I saw 'em first, so I'm gonna take 'em. Then you took your hands off them. Give me the boots, and no one gets hurt! Give me the boots. Give me the boots! Look! There's a sale on Burberry! [Gasps] That's the oldest trick in the book! Give 'em! Don't you tell me... Give me the boots! I waited in line all morning for this! [Grunting] Ah! Ha-ha! [Rebecca] "Your store card is like a percent-off cashmere coat. The first time you meet, it promises to be your best friend. Until you look closely and realize it's not real cashmere." You've been ripped off. Right. You get it? You get it. We get it. Now go away. Ha! [Luke] "Then, as winter comes, you discover that your coat isn't actually a friend at all. You should have read the fine print. Should look more closely what you're getting into." You should put a picture in that. It's a present. Haven't got 'round to filling it yet. My mom bought me this exact one from a thrift store. Probably paid half what you paid, not that they often shop at thrift stores. What? This is good. Really? Mmm. Is it by Rebecca Bloomwood? Yes! My friend Suze saw me writing it. [Chuckles] I mean, is that how you want your name to appear? "By Rebecca Bloomwood"? Oh, right. I don't want to be too associated with this magazine. Sorry? Because I just think it would be better to be slightly more of an everyman. Um, a little more ooh-ooh-ohh. Mysterious, rather than just... Becky? Hmm. Hmm. "The Girl in the Green Scarf. Thank you. I bought your magazine this morning and have already told three stores where to stick their credit cards." Oh! Hey, check it out: Jay Brogan, Queens, via e-mail: "Man, is it easy to feel those guys do it for your benefit. You never check the APR." Call him from my desk if you want. Oh. No, no. I'm OK. "I'll tell you what, I have now. Thanks, Mrs. Green Scarf." We never get this kind of response. [Knocking on glass] Excuse me, sir. Edgar West. That's not good. He hates us. Luke Brandon. I've just spent a few minutes rather wrapped up in your "Green Scarf." I like it. Uh, she obviously has a passion for personal finance. Excuse me, I'm sorry, but he is really being persistent. He needs to talk to you. Could you tell him that I'm busy, please. You're a lucky man, Mr. Brandon. It's this charity that I'm the chairperson of, it's... Thank you, sir. It seems that he liked the column so much that he's sending extra copies of the magazine to his children. Oh, my God. I can't believe that. [Applause] I'm really sorry, sir. There's a man holding on line two, and he says it's a matter of life or death. What's his name? Um, Derek Smeath. Derek Smeath. Oh! No! Ha! Exactly how long has this ex-boyfriend been stalking you? Ever since the relationship ended. He's been following me around pretending to be a debt collector. I was once stalked... ...by a dog. OK. Look, take the rest of the day and block all future calls from Derek Smeath. Yes, sir. [Indistinct chatter on TV] [Indistinct chatter on TV] Spend it wisely, huh? Oh, God. Dad? Money... is what I came to talk to you about. Oh, yeah? Hey, honey? [Woman] Yeah? Becau... [man] You got them wings? Coming. [humming] It's funny because your mom and I were gonna call you over here today to talk about pretty much the exact same thing. Money. Savings. Our money. Our life savings. Really? [Woman] All our married life, we've been the kind of people that we just don't spend, we save. We've built up quite a little nest egg. Of money. A big nest egg of money. Of dough. Yeah, we do. [Man] And so, we decided... [woman] That we wanted to call you here, our only beautiful, lovely daughter to tell you that, well... [both] We spent it! [Woman] Every last cent. He's still just getting the hang of it. Isn't she a babe? He's wanted one of these since the day I met him. It's got a built-in blender, four electric fans, and a thermal sewage disposal. Kathy and Gordon, in England, you know the ones whose pool collapsed because of the mold? Kathy with the beard? Yep. Yes, she had electrolysis. They sent us this off the Web. It's an article about... Makes you think about money. About what it's really worth. Security in your old age? Or is it investing in what you love? You have got to read it. It's by someone called The Girl in the Green Scarf. She's a genius. Oh, my God. Guys! We're international! [All chattering] Yes! Luke, we've taken Asia. Russell, how's that article on mortgage brokers? It's gonna be huge. Paycheck. Uh, Rebecca? Thank you. Yes? I want you to come with me to the APA Conference next week. Absolutely. What's the APA Conference? The biggest magazine event of the year. In Miami. Oh, Luke. I think I should definitely be there. Early, I mean, and you know, make sure that the hotel's OK and find good restaurants in case anyone wants to relax. Not that I intend to, but you never know, some people might. [Laughs] I'm glad you're enthusiastic about it. I'm kind of excited myself. Oh. You are? Yeah, I mean because a lot of people are very excited to meet you. You've opened up a whole new demographic. You're opening up his what? [Laughing] Demographic. Mm-hmm. Which is why he wants to take me to the beach. I mean the conference. Aren't you supposed to be getting to Alette? I'm on my way. Once you're in, you're in. You're in as a finance guru. I give great financial advice. Bex, have you ever considered taking your own advice? Oh! Mom, calm. Like, what would The Girl in the Green Scarf say about hiding Visa bills under your bed? That is not relevant. That is so relevant. It's the most relevant thing in the world. Ah! There isn't another reason why you want to go to Miami? No! Maybe it rhymes with Fluke? Luke. [Laughs] Wha... That's it. You're making that face. What face? Bex! You like him! This is terrible! No, no. No, no. But hypothetically... Hypothetically you're being a big, fat liar! You're advising people about debt, and you're up to your eyeballs in it. [Groaning] Yeah, hide under there. [Yawing] Ooh, Monsieur Sherman. My name is Brandon. My mother's name is Sherman. Yes. Monsieur discret. Mm-hmm. Oh! [laughs] [Chuckles] You saved me. Not at all. Oh, gosh! You work at Successful Saving. Yes. We should have dinner. [Rebecca] OK, what am I supposed to do? [Luke] Just be yourself. Luke, how are you? Hey, Luke. They let you out of prison. That's fantastic. Alicia. Luke. Can I introduce Rebecca Bloomwood? You may have read The Girl in the Green Scarf. [Man] What's the name of your column? "Risky investment is like a pair of platform boots." Wait, nobody has ever quoted me back to me before. Luke. Got a second? Yeah. Sure. Wait, what were you in prison for? Oh, that was trumped-up. People out there trust you. Butterfly investments. [Indistinct chattering] Thanks. [Man] Pleasure. Champagne, please. [Man] Right away, sir. Hi. Are you from the United North Bank? I run it. I was walking past your bank. You have the most boring window displays in the world. She means the opposite. I'm serious. It's as if somebody hit the snooze button in my brain, and told me it was OK to sleep another ten minutes. Really. Yes. You need to put some pretty pink umbrellas or something to get people in. Mr. Lewis, look here. Know what else you could do? You could have a sale. A sale? Yes. Fee reductions. And free doughnuts. She writes a humorous column, humor is part of her language. I'll get another. Unusual ideas. Luke, your writer, she's out of control. Keep her on a leash. She's damaging the magazine. She doesn't need a leash, I'd say quite the contrary. What was the piece of tabloid sensationalism you sent me? The Jon Goldman expose? A well-researched, supported article. His organization is corrupt, full of financial holes. Not running the piece. His company's worth two million to Dantay-West. Ryan. Mr. Lewis. Luke, that columnist of yours said the most outrageous things. I'd like to apologize for our company. Outrageous, yet brilliant things. She's like a breath of fresh air. I couldn't agree more. Totally agree too. He couldn't agree more. Our displays are boring. Aren't they? She's right. She's honest. The doughnut idea I loved. I'll be talking to you about advertising. Great. Great. OK. OK. No, you're doing great. There's one more person that you really ought to meet. Hmm. This one's pretty crucial, but having the language in common should help. Hmm. Language? Yeah, I want you to meet Janne Virtanen from Nokia. I told him you're part Finnish, and he's very excited to meet you. Janne. [Stuttering] Rebecca. Ah. [speaks Finnish] Hey, hey, hey. That's how you do it in Finland. [Speaks Finnish] [Speaks gibberish] [Man] Luke! Luke Brandon! He's really funny. I can't even translate that. Long time no see, buddy. [Speaks Finnish] Men like you are the reason I left Finland. plays on cell phone] ? Hola? [Derek] Ms. Bloomwood? It's Derek Smeath from All City Debt Collection. At last we meet. Uh. How's your leg? Still broken? Uh... it's, um. It's much better. Mr. Brandon. Yes. We Scandinavians... ...like her. A lot. Good. Then kindly limp, stagger, or crawl to my office this afternoon. Um, absolutely, I would love to. Good. Except... Oh, my God. What? My aunt has just fallen from the sky in a freak skydiving accident. Enough! Unless the outstanding balance is transferred from your account first thing : on Monday morning... Mr. Smeath, uh... ...the next step will be... ...personal contact. Absolutely, : on Monday morning. I have to go. I'm so sorry. I've got to go. You are getting your own ringtone. [Whispering] Do not answer this call, it's Derek Smeath. Do not... [yelps] Rebecca. Oh! [Gasping] Thanks. I have something to tell you. [Rebecca] I have something to tell you, too. OK. You first. Well, Edgar West has taken a table at the Print Association Charity Ball, and guess which two people from Successful Saving have been invited as representatives? It's a huge mark of respect. This puts us in the major league, and that is mainly down to you. Huh... Are you OK? This isn't easy. OK. Your tie does not go with your shirt. Try to enjoy yourself. No, no, you have to savor shopping. No, you don't. You have to strike with precision and get out. Hi. Hello. We're looking for clothes for my boss. Absolutely. Were you thinking maybe a suit or a jacket? I'm actually thinking about everything. Oh, well, we can do everything. Pink. Oh, my gosh, I love pink on a guy. Is that bad? That pink is great. It's gorgeous. Would he do pink? I think so. Think he'd do it with like a white pant? He'd do that. [Clears throat] Actually! What I really need is a, uh, tuxedo, say three buttons, size regular, a white dress shirt, I'll try the blue as well, and a black vernice shoe in a size ten. And two Advil. You speak Prada? Occasionally. But if you know how to dress well, why do you come to the office looking like? I don't want to be defined by clothes or labels or family. Why would you be defined by family? My mother is Elinor Sherman, New York socialite. Excuse me, did you just say that your mother is Elinor Sherman? Did she tell you that we dressed her for the Met gala? Oh, she just looked stunning. Well, congratulations on having such a fabulous mother. My, uh, parents are divorced. I grew up in England with my dad. He's great. Very down-to-earth, totally different from my mother. Anyway, she wasn't interested until I was an adult. At which point it was assumed that I'd just fall into line. For the throne? [Laughs] Uh, no, for the, um... for the family business. What's the business? Owning stuff. Real estate, um, Internet businesses, um... Cable companies... Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. I chose to succeed on my own terms, not kowtow to some controlling family. What's Dantay-West? Do you have a take on everything in life? Yes. Yes. Well, what would your take be on... me? Go on. What would The Girl in the Green Scarf's take be on Luke Brandon? As an investment, you pretty much suck. What? You're a workaholic. You put in all these hours, but you don't reap the rewards. It goes into someone else's pocket. But you're a great editor. And now... ...you look like one. Drank a lot of mojitos. I drank too many mojitos. It wasn't always work and no play. Gracias. Gracias. Cheers! Mmm. Oh, por favor. Pick one. Mmm? Are you serious? Mm-hmm. Oh, my God, I love this one. But look at the red one. The red one's cute. Pick one. ? Cu??nto cuesta? Tres d??lares. No, this is gorgeous. Simple. Perfect. Wait, why'd you buy me a fan? Because we're going to dance. Oh, I don't know how to do this kind of dancing. I do. [Up-tempo music plays] OK? Just follow me. No... Oh. Oh! You know, my instinct is that you should have your own business. [Laughs] That's your instinct? Yes. Your delivery has arrived, sir. Shall I send it up? No, I'll take that. OK. Thank you. My other instinct is that I should take this to the ball. No? What do you think? Yeah, you know, Rebecca, about the ball, there's, um... There's something that I need... Well, finally. Luke, where have you been? I've been looking for you. We have a dinner reservation. Did you go shopping? Oh, oh, yes. Yes, Rebecca's been helping me pick something out for the... ball. Oh, that's perfect. I went shopping, too. We're gonna look so major together. Aren't you glad I convinced you to go with me? That's what I was trying to... Oh. Oh, great, well, it'll be so much fun. I'm gonna... I'm gonna go. Great. Oh, wait, wait, Rebecca. Don't go. Just, come out for a drink. You know Alicia, and... Yes, come out for a drink. I would. I'd love to. I just, um, I have to make some calls. I'll see you in New York. Too bad. See ya. Good night. plays on cell phone] Hey, Suze. [Suze] Don't come home! I am home. Well, don't come to the front door! It's Derek Smeath. Keep driving! [Derek] Rebecca Bloomwood. God, oh, God, oh, God. Don't panic. Oh, God. What'd you tell him? OK. I told him that your Aunt Ermintrude died of malaria. She died in a skydiving accident. Her parachute didn't open. How am I supposed to know? She doesn't even exist! I know I've made some mistakes, but I'm turning my life around. I've got it planned. I'm gonna go to the ball. Impress Alette Naylor. Here! All I have to do first is buy a new dress. Bex, no! Absolutely not. You've , dresses already. What? You exaggerate. I know the dress. It's perfect. You got it at the thing. Know what I'm talking about? Where is it? I hope we didn't throw it away at the de-cluttering. Oh, Bex. Imagine you wearing this dress. Walk past the mirror. Would you be jealous? Yes! Yes. Oh, my gosh, I forgot I even had this dress. And Fluke would love you in that dress. Don't talk about Fluke. Why? What happened? Alicia Bitch Longlegs is what happened. I hate her. Who is she? She's the girl with the perfect everything. Well, well, Luke is a raging moron. He's gonna be so bummed when you show up at the ball looking like a total knockout in that dress. You're gonna be a total hottie. It's perfect. All I have to do now is buy a new bag. Oh, my God. Bex, there has to be a bag somewhere in this room. Suze, do not open that closet! [Suze screams] Oh, Suze! Suze! Suze, are you there? Oh. Oh, my God. You didn't throw anything away, did you? I'm sorry. OK. I know what you need. My name is Joyce, and I'm a shopaholic. My name is Joyce, and I'm a shopaholic. Hi, Joyce. How's it going? Thank you. I'm the wife of a textile importer. My husband found my secret stash in the linen closet. Yeah, he found all of my cruisewear, and now he says that there won't be a cruise! Oh. OK, hang in there, Joyce. What about you, Ryuichi? How was your week? My name is Ryuichi, and I'm shopaholic. [All] Hi, Ryuichi. It is six months, three weeks and four days since I last used my credit card. Oh! Ryuichi! That is just wonderful. You're an inspiration to all of us. Did you hear that, Joyce? What about you, Mr. Freak? My name is D. Freak. Uh, I'm a shopaholic. Hi, Freak. Welcome. I'm also a former NBA player. We'll get back to that. Um, I cracked at Cartier today. How many did you buy this time? Uh... I got seven. One for every different day of the week. See, I got the Santos. And I got... Keep comin' back, OK? Give him some support. Keep comin' back. Which store? Rebecca, why don't you share your story. Um... Hello, everybody. Uh, I'm Rebecca Bloomwood. [All] Hi, Rebecca. I just actually came here as a favor to a friend. Uh, I mean, I like shopping. Is there anything so wrong with that? I mean, stores are put there to enjoy. Uh, the experience is enjoyable. Well, more than enjoyable. It's... It's beautiful. The sheen of silk, draped across a mannequin. Oh, the smell of new Italian leather shoes. Italian leather shoes, that's the best. Oh... The rush you feel when you swipe your card. And it's approved. And it all belongs to you! OK, Rebecca. Thank you for sharing. The joy you feel when you've bought something, and it's just you and the shopping. You and shopping. Ryuichi! All you have to do is hand over a little card. Yes! Pull it together! Isn't that the best feeling in the world? Yeah. Don't you wanna shout it from the mountaintops? That's real talk. And you feel so... confident and alive... And happy? And happy! And warm. And warm! What's going on here? I need to buy a new bag. I have to impress Alette Naylor. Get a watch to go with that bag. Oh, there's a sale at Catherine Malandrino. You're like my soul sister. Don't let her... I have to go. Good luck, everybody. [Stuttering] They have shoe? You sit down. [All] My will is strong. My wallet is closed. I do not want to shop. Ah! Oh, what's in this box? Have I seen absolutely everything? [Gasping] Sparkles. Oh, I love sparkles. Do you have any more in the back? You. You! Oh! I'm sorry. Get it away from me! Get it all away from me! Not those! Oh, my God. [Car horns honking] [Car horns honking] [Muzak rendition of Rehab plays] [Indistinct chattering] Alicia! Mmm. You look stunning. Hey. I want you to meet Luke Brandon. From Successful Saving. The magazine looks great now. [Rebecca] There she is. OK, do not panic. Hello, Alette. Since I was I wanted to work at your magazine... Rebecca. You look so cute. You're unraveling. What? [Gasps] What? Tsk. Shame. Hi. [Indistinct chattering] [Sleeve ripping] [Yells] Oh! [yells] [Screams] [Both shouting] I'm sorry. Oh, please. Oh, no. Oh, no. Isn't she adorable? Uh, yes. Adorable. Oh, oh, oh! Woo! Now, dear. I need a glass of champagne right now. Coming right up. And I'll have a gin and tonic. Absolutely. I'm intrigued to meet this Girl in the Green Scarf. Potential TV star, I hear. That's right, yes. They want her on the Morning Coffee show. I think Rebecca would be great on television. She's... She's hard to ignore. Excuse me! Are those plates presentable? Plates are beautiful. Do not talk back! Take it and go! Bus your tables, come right back! Move it! I should read this Green Scarf Girl. It seems she's very ?? la mode, hmm? Real poise. Hey! What are you? What are you doing? Oh. I need a gin and tonic and some champagne, please. What are you, a drunk? Put that back! On your feet, Goldilocks. Do you know how short-staffed we are? I need food on tables now. Go! No, no, no. I need to get... Six more, please! Oh! I'm not a waitress. I know you're not, honey. You're an actress. I get it. I do. Now go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Go out there and serve the fish! Oh! [screams] You! Serve this table. Do it. Ms. Bloomwood. Yes. I'll have the trout, please. I'll have the salmon. Do you have low-fat dressing? I'm not a waitress. Ms. Bloomwood! OK. Salmon here. This is the famous Ms. Bloomwood? The waitress? Ms. Bloomwood! Just put it down and sit! Sit. Oh! [Shouting] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Sorry. Oh! Sit down, Rebecca. Jacket! Right, uh, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we will be serving... ...the, uh, brook trout and wild smoked salmon. Mrs. West, you'll be pleased to hear that the fish from this region is a particularly powerful aphrodisiac. Oh. Mmm. Give her two. Oh, Mr. Brandon, you serve as if you've served all your life. Oh, paid my way through college waiting tables. Coincidentally, that fish weighs the same as the girl on your last cover. Ooh! Oh, Alicia, remind me. Were you a salmon or a trout? You were a trout. Oh... Thanks for saving me in there. So have you filled your photo frames yet? No. Not yet. You could put a picture of Alicia in one. Except there probably wouldn't be room for her spidery long legs. You know, I've always felt that spidery long legs were vastly overrated. I thought she was your girlfriend. No. She's not my girlfriend. She's not you. Erica, you get her on the phone, you pretend she's your best friend in the world. You find out how she got in this terrible situation. How did she get so far behind? Then you take that information and you use it against her. What are her motivators? Pride? Integrity? Honor? Fear? Tell her she'll lose everything. Slap a lien on her house. Tell her we'll print it in the papers. Gotta take her to the edge of the cliff. Let her think you're gonna push her over and at the last minute, pull her back and get what you want out of her. That, Erica, is how you earn a commission. Lesson over. I need Successful Saving. Lesson over. I need Successful Saving. Excuse me. [Elevator bell rings] [Elevator bell rings] [Cell phone dialing] Derek Smeath. Hello? Hello... Elevators. Thank goodness for redial. [Cell phone] Do not answer this call, it's Derek Smeath. Do not answer this call, it's Derek Smeath. Do not answer this call, it's Derek Smeath. Do not answer this call, it's Derek Smeath. Do not answer this call, it... No, he doesn't know it yet, but he will. All right. Speak to you then. Luke! Luke. Good morning. Hi. Hi. Excusez-moi. Am I interrupting something? Hmm? No. Mm-mm. No, no. I've come for the Green Scarf Girl. Me? Our esteemed Monsieur West has asked me to dress you for your TV debut. I have one hour to shop. Oh, uh, I'm sorry, excuse me, but, Rebecca, Derek Smeath is here. God. Um... I, uh... Rebecca is being stalked. [Gasps] So exciting at Successful Saving. I've had enough of this clown. I'll see him. Whoa! Luke! No! I never want you to meet him, ever. Don't worry. I've already called security. See? She called security. Voil??. Shall we go? Mmm? No. No, no, no, no. This is outrageous! I have every right to be here. So after the ball, I, myself, actually read Successful Saving. Your piece was very good. I have been observing you and it seems you have natural street fashion, but... do you have genuine style? Dressing is like any worthwhile endeavor. It is an art, but also a challenge. Bonjour. This dress is good for you, huh? With maybe... this jacket over. Oh, that's genius, Alette. Parfait. I think that is a great dress, um, but I was thinking... ...a little more... ...of something... like this? I mean, I'd pair it with a new Yves Saint Laurent coat. Show me. So, Rebecca, hmm. Take her bag. You are sure of your choice? Yeah. Hmm. We'll see. [Gasping] [Cell phone] Do not answer this call, it's Derek Smeath. Do not answer this call, it's Derek Smeath. Do not answer this call, it's Derek Smeath. Do not answer this call, it's Derek Smeath. Do not answer this call, it's Derek Smeath. Do not answer this call, it's... Hello. Ah, yes. Is perfect. So, unfortunately, I cannot stay. But I am looking forward to seeing how you accessorize it for your TV debut. Hmm? Oh, thank you. Goodbye. Oh, God. Is there a problem? Pretty much my entire first month's salary. Mmm. But isn't it worth it? OK, no peeking. Don't peek. Can you see? OK. Get up here. Now turn this way. OK, don't peek. Don't peek. OK, open! Oh, and look, look, look! The best part! Do you love it? It's so her! Oh, Bex. This is so exciting. I'm getting married and you love your dress, and you're getting to Alette, and... What's in that bag? Oh, that's just a dress that Alette chose for me for the TV show. Mom, can you go get a cupcake? How much did it cost? Alette gets an incredible discount. Still going to Shopaholics Anonymous? Yes! 'Cause you promised. I know! Oh, excuse me. Are you going to the shopaholics meeting? Yes. Could you do me a favor and stow these in your trunk? Doesn't look good entering a self-help shopping group carrying a Barneys bag. Oh! I know exactly what you mean. Leave it to me. OK. Hey, save me a seat, huh? OK. [Rebecca] Thank you! [Church bells tolling] My name is Ms. Korch. I am your new group leader. I do things differently. Ms. Bloomwood? You're willing to give away your money for things that you don't need, so why not try giving away the things you don't need for no money. But here's the thing: I really need those things. I'll show you who really needs them. Steady! Steady. Courage, woman. Oh, my. Colorful. This is my bridesmaid's dress. Please! How many of us have used that one before, hmm? OK. I just want you to take these clothes and... do good. Ms. Bloomwood, wasn't that liberating? Bravo! [All cheering] My will is strong. My wallet is closed. I don't want to shop! Back to the basement. I couldn't be prouder. There's been a mistake. The dresses I gave in? Hmm. I need it back. I see. Mm-hmm. Christy! Yes? Can't sell those two dresses. There's been a mistake. No returns. I really need these dresses! I'd bring back something tomorrow. Something better. No exchanges. OK, so, um, I'll buy 'em. You will? Oh, that's great. Oh, really. We need every cent here. OK. How much? A hundred and ten. What? How is this a charity store? This is from Barneys. I know. OK, I don't have enough for both. This one's twenty. Maybe come back for this one? Which is more important? Got money issues? Who hasn't? Got money issues? Who hasn't? Oh! Tarkie, Tarkie, Tarkie, she's on! This is her? Yeah. The Girl in the Green Scarf, Rebecca Bloomwood, Oh, she looks like an expert. How are her accessories? Hey, Janice. She's in the... Whoa. What channel? ...finance. Not my thing. Jane. [Jane] Yeah? Janey. Janey! What? [Woman on TV]... then I read your columns, and I'm like... "Wow. I get it." Right. Which is exactly the point. Because so much financial journalism is really... Is really boring. I'm with ya on that! Yes! Go, Bex! It's not accessible. But it's ordinary people that have the most money in savings. It is. It's people like my mom and dad. Ow! Tell us about the coat. Tell the audience what you wrote about the cashmere coat and worth. Well, that's you. No, no. He inspired me. Aw... [Rebecca] It's the difference between cost and worth. Essentially, something you can't see, can't touch, but it's actually the most valuable commodity in America. And that's... Trust. Trust. I'm loving you guys. Who knew that debt could be so much fun, huh? But we just have a little bit more time. We wanna get questions from the audience. Is there anybody out there with any financial issues that would like... Yes, you, sir. Well... I'm having trouble with debt. OK. Mortgage debt, car debt? Ms. Bloomwood's debt. [Laughs] Ms. Bloomwood's debt. That's right. I'm from the All City Debt Collection Agency. My name is Derek Smeath. [Woman] Alrighty. Now, look, for God's sake, can I just say that this man has been stalking Rebecca for the past year. Yes, I have. To recover unrepaid credit on a store card totaling $, and a quarter. [Audience gasps] Is this for real? No, I'm sorry, because he is her ex-boyfriend. Really? No wonder she didn't bring him home. That's good. I tell ya, the more you look at me, the funnier that gets. OK, well, uh, my ex-girlfriend told me she couldn't meet me today because I might risk contamination with an infection she picked up in Finland. Oh! [Derek] Know she was part Finnish? [Audience laughs] OK, we're on limited time. Anybody else like to ask... No, no, no. The best is yet to come. Oh, God! Did you realize our Ms. Bloomwood here is in the hospital with depression? Currently in the hospital with gallstones. "Check is in the mail" times. Check is lost in the mail times. Recovering from a chemical fruit acid peel. Called back for second tour of duty in Basra. [Laughter] Which of these excuses is true? Are any of them? Will the real Rebecca Bloomwood please stand up? Well, at least I don't have to worry about you being stalked! Luke, you don't understand! No, you're right, I don't! So do what I hired you to do, Rebecca, and make the truth clear to somebody who absolutely doesn't understand. I shop. Oh, so you lie because you shop. [Stammering] OK, OK. Why do you shop? Well, I... Come on, come on! Well, you're not giving me time... For what? To make something up? Just, for once in your life, tell me the truth. Because when I shop, the world gets better. The world is better. And then it's not anymore. And I need to do it again. Well, what about honesty? What about credibility? Well, I wanted to tell you, but I only took the job to get to Alette. Well, I wish you all the best with that. Luke, I'm so sorry. No, no. I understand. The whole thing was a lie. That absolutely makes sense. [Woman] ?ì You're breaking my heart You're tearing it apart ?ì Woo, woo ?ì Now I've gone insane ?ì And you're breaking my glasses, too, OK? Is she wearing my bridesmaid's dress? [Door slams] Suze! That, I can absolutely explain! OK! Explain. Oh... Explain! Suze! Mr. West. I like Luke Brandon. But it would seem on recent evidence, Mr. Brandon allowed his objectivity to lapse. Mr. Brandon? [Sighs] Rebecca Bloomwood... Rebecca Bloomwood was the most vivacious, funny, inspiring woman I have ever met. And she lived a lie. We know that now. But what she wrote in her columns was the truth. She had a voice. She spoke to people who never believed that they could understand, and who loved it when they found that they could. And I loved it. Rebecca Bloomwood let me down. But the Girl in the Green Scarf never did. [Horn plays up-tempo tune] As for you, if Luke Brandon and his attitude aren't fitting in at Dantay-West, there's really only ever one solution. Maybe we should start a new magazine. A magazine driven purely by the voices of its writers. A part of the company, but outside the gates, you know? Yeah, sounds... Sounds great. Yeah. It's unexpected, but, you know. You have drive, Mr. Brandon, and vision. I've been impressed. Oh, it'll be tough going to start, but that's the way Cy and I built this company. On the day that we put that sign up over the door, Dantay-West. That was when we knew that we'd made the right decision. So here's to our new venture. Well, I, um. I can't... I cannot believe it. I'm going to kill her. Mr. West, when you put that sign above the door, you wanted to make your name in the world, didn't you? Oh, more than anything else. So do I. [Jane] Sweetie, she's gonna be fine. And when you talk to her, don't... Sweetie, honestly, do you think it's too... "Raising Financially Fit Kids." Do you think it's too late for this? Never too late. Aren't you glad we went to that book fair? Pretty amazing, ain't it? That's why your mother and I love coming out here. Reminds us of our childhood in Finland. Your mom and I think, if the American economy can be billions in debt and still survive, so can you. The RV's worth about ... No. Dad. We want to. I will kill you if you sell it. It completely defines you. Completely. Nothing defines me, except you and your mother. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun] So she really did it? And it all worked. What do you mean? You mean you don't know. Oh, this is good. Alette Naylor is going to see the little green scarf girl to give her the one thing that she wants most in all the world. And now I'm stuck with her. [Alette] I'm very happy to have found you. [Alette] I'm very happy to have found you. I went to Mr. West to... Hot. Ah. Thank you. Charles et Diana. No, no. They're not from Indiana, they're from England. No, Dad, she said Charles and Diana. Yes. Well, I went to see Mr. West to petition for clemency... ...which he gave. And is Luke Brandon OK? Unfortunately, Monsieur Brandon is no longer with Dantay-West. But he'll land on his feet. He's a Sherman, after all. Rebecca... You may not know this, but your appearance on that TV show has struck a nerve with many, many girls. They identify with you. Your column will be Affordable Fashion. Five hundred words once a month. Welcome to Alette. [Gasps, laughing] I can do affordable fashion. I mean, I know where all the sales are. Yes, yes, she does. Oh! In fact, she got that from me. No, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't. Oh, cake? Yes. Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny. Oh. No, tiny. Tiny! Tiny! Hmm. Thank you. You will make your column personal. Mm-hmm. You'll take pieces from your own wardrobe, like this for example. This is very pretty. They're swell. This season, I believe. Um, well, they're Louboutins, so, I mean, well, they're not affordable fashion. Fear not. Chez Alette, we print the prices very small. And after all, what are credit cards for, huh? You must know that. Yeah, wow. Yeah, no, I, um... I know all about credit cards. And final notices and debt collectors. Um, they should print that in the fashion magazines. Right? Mm-hmm. Rebecca, you have a moral conscience. But if you want to work for my magazine... No, no, I really... I wanna work at Alette. What's the matter, baby? I just, I have that really annoying feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know that feeling when? Yes. I get it... I get it in the back of my head. [Rebecca] Yeah, when... You know what I mean? You wanna do something, but you sort of feel like you shouldn't? That's it! I get heartburn. I just... I have made so many mistakes, and I feel like taking this job would be another one. Before you make your decision, you should know this. When I leave this house, the opportunity leave with me. Well, then you should both go. C'est la vie. [Phone rings] [Man] You're a Sherman. Can't you finance this yourself? I'm asking if you will back me. I'm asking if I am a good investment. All right, people, this is it. I want you to think of it as a toxic little monkey on your back. Do it, Freak! But anybody who cries will have to cut two cards. [Door slams open] [All gasp] I'm Rebecca Bloomwood and I'm a shopaholic. [All] Hi, Rebecca. I destroyed my career on national television. I lied to the man I love. I hurt my best friend. I invented a stalker, and I don't even speak Finnish. But I have a plan, and I need your help. Who's with me? [Muted] Shut up. Sale of the century. Forward to all employees. Send. [Computer beeps] Oh, uh, Luke, sorry. Um, may I take a long lunch? Sure. What are you doing? Oh! Oh, uh, I have an appointment. With whom? A person. Um... Uh, I suppose she has to, uh, clear the decks. You know, make room for all those free clothes from Alette. Go, Hayley. May I? [Clears throat] Bags! Ready! Accessories! Ready! Shoes! Ready. Millinery. What you call me? Hats. Oh! I hope they've got shoes! They're gettin' antsy out there. Ready when you are, Ms. Bloomwood. Open the doors, Dad! [All gasping] [Indistinct shouting] There's plenty for everyone. Just, take your... You'll note the delicious color, the smart collar and these classic buttons. Thirty dollars is my final offer. I'll give you $ to get away from my table. What about your mother? What would she like? Sobriety. I think it's... It's a lucky top. These are real Prada shoes, ladies. They go with the same pink as this scarf. And the handbag. Oh. And the gloves. OK, you know what, not for sale. Not for sale. Ms. Ptaszinski! I'm OK. And now... [all gasp] The green scarf! An icon. Supple, sensual, the color of money. Rebecca always had such fabulous taste. No wonder she wound up at Alette magazine. Oh, Becky didn't end up at Alette magazine. She turned that "hoppertunity" down. What? Why? Yes, Jane Bloomwood, hi. Oh, hi. Now who will be the next Girl in the Green Scarf? Fifty dollars! Anyone else? Seventy. [Korch] I have ! Ninety dollars. [Korch] Ninety dollars right here! Excuse me. Sure. I have a bidder on the phone. One hundred and twenty dollars. One-twenty for the beautiful, famous, elegant... [woman] One-fifty! Don't sell it. You've sold so much already. Two hundred dollars. Two hundred and fifty dollars. [All gasp] Two-fifty! I have . The bid is against you at . Well? Three hundred dollars! You can tell your friend on the phone, I'll match anything they bid. She's like an assassin. Three hundred dollars. Going once. Going twice. My bidder withdraws. Sold for to the lady in pink. [Rebecca] Wait! [All gasping] Uh... Don't wear it with yellow. Never. It could bring you love. Thank you. [Cheering] One, two, three, four. That's another thousand. Wow. $,, cents. You are a winner, babe! [All screaming] Oh, my God. [Screams] Mr. Smeath. What the hell is this? What are you doing? I'm doing exactly what you did to me on that television show, Derek. I'm just giving you what you deserve. But in the most inconvenient way possible. And that, I think, makes ,. Oh. And a quarter. [Indistinct chattering] [Rebecca] I've got it. I've got it. [Woman] OK. Ladies, it's time! How'd you get it back? I did a deal. Get her some flowers. Sorry. OK. Go, go, go, go, go. Ready, sweetie? Bex! Come here. OK. See you at the reception! You sold all your clothes and kept that? It's Suze's wedding... Wedding. I know. I'm an investigative journalist, Rebecca. Give me some credit. You really sold it all? You have nothing left. I mean, I wouldn't put it like that. [Gasps] Neither would I. The bidder on the phone was you. But you lost! Both bidders were me. It's a desperately important scarf. [Rebecca] Name: Rebecca Bloomwood. [Rebecca] Name: Rebecca Bloomwood. Occupation: I am a columnist for Luke's new magazine. Dress: Borrowed from Suze as I am a reformed shopaholic. Here, Ryuichi. Wow! [Rebecca] It is amazing what you have time to do when you're not shopping. For example, I actually learned Finnish. [Speaking Finnish] Ahh... [speaks Finnish] [Rebecca] And instead of a relationship with my credit card, I have a relationship with someone who loves me back. And never declines me. Where do you get your moves? Who knows? It just comes naturally. Oh, you're right. It's a mystery.