PubTalkandtheKingsEnglish()1.Conversationisthemostsociableofallhumanactivities.Anditisanactivityonlyofhumans.Howeverintricatethewayinwhichanimalscommunicatewitheachother,theydonotindulgeinanythingthatdeservesthenameofconversation.2.Thecharmofconversationisthatitdoesnotreallystartfromanywhere,andnoonehasanyideawhereitwillgoasitmeandersorleapsandsparklesorjustglows.Theenemyofgoodconversationisthepersonwhohassomethingtosay.Conversationisnotformakingapoint.Argumentmayoftenbeapartofit,butthepurposeoftheargumentisnottoconvince.Thereisnowinninginconversation.Infact,thebestconversationalistsarethosewhoarepreparedtolose.Suddenlytheyseethemomentforoneoftheirbestanecdotes,butinaflashtheconversationhasmovedonandtheopportunityislost.Theyarereadytoletitgo.3.PerhapsitisbecauseofmyupbringinginEnglishpubsthatIthinkbarconversationhasacharmofitsown.Barfriendsarenotdeeplyinvolvedineachotherslives.Theyarecompanions,notintimates.Thefactthattheirmarriagesmaybeontherock,orthattheirloveaffairshavebrokenoreventhattheygotoutofbedonthewrongsideissimplynotaconcern.TheyarelikethemusketeersofDumaswho,althoughtheylivedsidebysidewitheachother,didnotdelveintoeachotherslivesortherecessesoftheirthoughtsandfeelings.4.Itwasonsuchanoccasiontheotherevening,astheconversationmoveddesultorilyhereandthere,fromthemostcommonplacetothoughtsofJupiter,withoutanyfocusandwithnoneedforone,thatsuddenlythealchemyofconversationtookplace,andallatoncetherewasafocus.Idonotrememberwhatmadeoneofourcompanionssayitsheclearlyhadnotcomeintothebartosayit,itwasnotsomethingthatwaspressingonhermindbutherremarkfellquitenaturallyintothetalk.5.Someonetoldmetheotherdaythatthephrase,theKingsEnglish,wasatermofcriticism,thatitmeanslanguagewhichoneshouldnotproperlyuse6.Theglowoftheconversationburstintoflames.Therewereaffirmationsandprotestsanddenials,andofcoursethepromise,madeinallsuchconversation,thatwewouldlookituponthemorning.Thatwouldsettleit;butconversationdoesnotneedtobesettled;itcouldstillgoignorantlyon.7.ItwasanAustralianwhohadgivenhersuchadefinitionofthekingsEnglish,whichproducedsomerathertartremarksaboutwhatonecouldexpectfromthedescendantsofconvicts.WehadtraveledinfiveminutestoAustralia.Ofcourse,therewouldberesistancetotheKingsEnglishinsuchasociety.ThereisalwaysresistanceinthelowerclassestoanyattemptbyanupperclasstolaydownrulesforEnglishasitshouldbespoken.58.LookatthelanguagebarrierbetweentheSaxonchurlsandtheirNormanconquerors.TheconversationhadswungfromAustralianconvictsofthe19thcenturytotheEnglishpeasantsofthe12thcentury.Whowasright,whowaswrong,didnotmatter.Theconversationwasonwings.19129.Someonetookoneofthebestknownofexamples,whichisstillalwaysworththereconsidering.WhenwetalkofmeatonourtablesweuseFrenchwords;whenwespeakoftheanimalsfromwhichthemeatcomesweuseAngloSaxonwords.Itisapiginitssty;itispork(porc)onthetable.Theyarecattleinthefields,butwesitdowntobeef(boeuf).Chickensbecomepoultry(poulet),andacalfbecomesveal(veau).EvenifourmenuswerenotwritteninFrenchoutofsnobbery,theEnglishweusedinthemwouldstillbeNormanEnglish.WhatallthistellsusisofadeepclassriftinthecultureofEnglishaftertheNormanConquest.-pigporkporecattlebeefboeufchickenpoultrypouletcalfvealvcau10.TheSaxonpeasantswhotilledthelandandrearedtheanimalscouldnotaffordthemeat,whichwenttoNormantables.Thepeasantswereallowedtoeattherabbitsthatscamperedovertheirfieldand,sincethatmeatwascheap,theNormanlordsofcourseturneduptheirnosesatit.Sorabbitisstillrabbitonourtables,andnotchangedintosomerenderingoflapin.rabbitlapin11.Aswelistentodaytotheargumentsaboutbilingualeducation,weoughttothinkourselvesbackintotheshoesoftheSaxonpeasant.ThenewrulingclasshadbuiltaculturalbarrieragainsthimbybuildingtheirFrenchagainsthisownlanguage.TheremusthavebeenagreatdealofculturalhumiliationfeltbytheEnglishwhentheyrevoltedunderSaxonleaderslikeHerewardtheWake.ThekingsEnglish-ifthetermhadexistedthen-hadbecomeFrench.AndhereinAmericanow,900yearslater,wearestilltheheirstoit.--12.Sothenextmorning,theconversationover,onelookeditup.Thephrasecameintousesometimeinthe16thcentury.QueensEnglishisfoundinNashesStrangeNewsoftheInterceptingofCertainLettersin1593,andin1602,Dekkerwroteofsomeone,thouclipsttheKingsEnglish.IsthephraseinShakespeare?Thatwouldbetheconfirmationthatitwasingeneraluse.Heusesitonce,whenMistressQuicklyinTheMerryWivesofWindsorsaysofhermastercominghomeinarage,⋯herewillbeanoldabusingofGodspatienceandtheKingsEnglish,anditringstrue.161593QueensEnglish1602KingsEnglishQuickly⋯⋯13.Onecouldhaveexpectedthatitwouldbeaboutthenthatthephrasewouldbecoined.Afterfivecenturiesofgrowth,oftusslingwiththeFrenchoftheNormansandtheAngevinsandthePlantagenetsandatlastabsorbingit,theconqueredintheendconqueringtheconqueror,Englishhadcomeroyallyintoitsown.14.TherewasaKings(orQueens)Englishtobeproudof.TheElizabethansblewonitasonadandelionclock,anditsseedsmultiplied,andfloatedtotheendsoftheearth.TheKingsEnglishwasnolongeraformofwhatwouldnowberegardedasracialdiscrimination.15.YettherehadbeensomethingintheremarkoftheAustralian.Thephrasehasalwaysbeenusedalittlepejorativelyandevenfacetiouslybythelowerclasses.OnefeelsthatevenMistressQuickly-aservant-issayingthatDr.Caius-hermaster-willlosehiscontrolandspeakwiththevigorofordinaryfolk.IftheKingsEnglishisEnglishasitshouldbespoken,theclaimisoftenmockedbytheunderlings,whentheysaywithajeerEnglishasitshouldbespoke.Therebellionagainstaculturaldominanceisstillthere.Quickly16.Thereisalwaysagreatdanger,asCarlyleputit,thatwordswillhardenintothingsforus.Wordsarenotthemselvesareality,butonlyrepresentationsofit,andtheKingsEnglish,liketheAnglo-FrenchoftheNormans,isaclassrepresentationofreality.Perhapsitisworthtryingtospeakit,butitshouldnotbelaiddownasanedict,andmadeimmunetochangefrombelow.17.Ihaveanunendingloveaffairwithdictionaries-Audenoncesaidthatallawriterneedsisapen,plentyofpaperandthebestdictionarieshecanafford-butIagreewiththepersonwhosaidthatdictionariesareinstrumentsofcommonsense.TheKingsEnglishisamodel-arichandinstructiveone-butitoughtnottobeanultimatum.----18.Sowemayreturntomybeginning.Evenwiththemosteducatedandthemostliterate,theKingsEnglishslipsandslidesinconversation.Thereisnoworseconversationthantheonewhopunctuateshiswordsashespeaksasifhewerewriting,orevenwhotriestousewordsasifhewerecomposingapieceofproseforprint.WhenE.M.Forsterwritesofthesinistercorridorofourage,wesitupatthevividnessofthephrase,theforceandeventerrorintheimage.ButifE.M.Forstersatinourlivingroomandsaid,Weareallfollowingeachotherdownthesinistercorridorofourage,wewouldbejustifiedinaskinghimtoleave.E.M.19.Greatauthorsareconstantlybeingaskedbyfoolishpeopletotalkastheywrite.Otherpeoplemaycelebratetheloftyconversationsinwhichthegreatmindsaresupposedtohaveindulgedinthegreatsalonsof18thcenturyParis,butonesuspectsthatthegreatmindsweregossipingandjudgingthequalityofthefoodandthewine.Henault,thenthegreatpresidentoftheFirstChamberoftheParisParlement,complainedbitterlyoftheterriblesaucesatthesalonsofMme.Deffand,andwentontoobservethattheonlydifferencebetweenhercookandthesupremechef,Brinvilliers,layintheirintentions.1820.Theoneplacenottohavedictionariesisinasittingroomoratadiningtable.Lookthethingupthenextmorning,butnotinthemiddleoftheconversation.Otherwiseonewillbindtheconversation;onewillnotletitflowfreelyhereandthere.TherewouldhavebeennoconversationtheothereveningifwehadbeenabletosettleatoncethemeaningoftheKingsEnglish.WewouldneverhavegongtoAustralia,orleapedbackintimetotheNormanConquest.21.Andtherewouldhavebeennothingtothinkaboutthenextmorning.Perhapsaboveall,onewouldnothavebeenengagedbyinterestinthemusketeerwhoraisedthesubject,wonderingmoreabouther.Thebotheraboutteachingchimpanzeeshowtotalkisthattheywillprobablytrytotalksenseandsoruinallconversation.fromTheWashingtonPost,May6,197919795651912-pigporkporecattlebeefboeufchickenpoultrypouletcalfvealvcaurabbitlapin--161593QueensEnglish1602KingsEnglishQuickly⋯⋯Quickly----E.M.18197956