Does love make you sick

Doeslovemakeyousick?SarahVineandTaniaKindersley1.Ofthevariousloves,romanticloveisthemostcomplicatedandinexplicable.Itcancomeonwhenyouleastexpectit(andwiththemostunsuitableperson),itcancastyoufromtheheightsofecstasytotheabyssofdespair,itcanroarinyouonemomentthendissipateasquicklyasbreathonglass.Itiswhatdrivesyoutoofferyourselftoanotherhumanfortherestofyournaturallife,butonlyafewyearslateryoumaylookbackandhavenomemoryatallofthatinitialecstasy.Romanticlovecanbesoconfusingthatsometimesyousimplywanttogiveuponthewholethingandconcentrateonthenatureofdarkmatter,ormacroeconomics,orsomethingelselesstiring.2.Alittlebiologycanbehelpfulhere.Inthefirstthroesofromanticloveyouareundertheinfluenceofapowerfulchemicalcocktail:dopamine(whichmakesopiateslooklikeaspirin)isrushingthroughyourveins.Asifthatwerenotenough,aperfectmixtureofvasopressinandoxytocin,theattachmenthormones,areragingaroundyourbody.Muchofthiswasdiscoveredthroughextensivestudyofprairievoles,whomateforlife,spendagreatdealoftimetenderlygroomingeachotherandnestingtogether,andstudiouslyavoidmeetingotherpotentialpartners.3.Ifonlyallmenwerejustlikeprairievoles,wesay,butifwisheswerehorseswewouldallbeLadyGodiva.4.Asidefromthechemicalcosh,youalsohavethesmall-brainproblem.MRIscanshaveshownthatfallinginloveinvolvesonlyaverytinypartofthebrain,amuchsmallerpartthanisusedwhen,say,operatingheavymachinery.ResearchersatUniversityCollegeLondonhaveremarkedwrylythatitwasfascinatingtoreflectthatHelenofTroycouldhavelaunchedathousandshipsthroughtheagencyofsuchalimitedexpanseofcortex.5.Itisvital,therefore,tobearinmindthatwhenfallinginloveandchoosingyourmateyoumaybemakingadecisionabouttherestofyourlifebasedononlyafractionofyourcognitivefunction.Thislimitedsectionofthebrainisalsotheexactsamepartthatrespondstococaine,whichmeansthatyoumayselectapartnerforlife,movetoAnchorageanddecidetomakemanybabies,allbasedonthesameareaofthecortexthatenjoysanillegalsubstancethatmakesyoutalkacceleratedgibberishallnightlong.6.Platosaidthatloveisamentaldisease.Modernresearchersagreeenthusiastically,categorizingloveasaformofmadnessandechoingwhatpsychologistshavebeentellingtearfulpatientsforyears.(Therearecertainshrinkswhorefusetotreatpeopleintheearlythroesoflovebecausetheyaretooinsanetodoathingwith.)Currently,scientistsarehavingagenteelacademicsquabbleoverwhetherlovemostcloselyresemblesthemanicphaseofbipolardisorderorthecharacteristicsseeninobsessivecompulsivedisorder.7.Itisonlywhentheinsanechemicalphaseoflovediesdownthatyoucantellwhetheritistherealthing.Ifitis,itwillshiftintothedeepsteadylovethatgetsyouthroughrainydaysandfinancialcrisesandthesmallquotidiantasksthatmakeupalife.Thisiswhycoupleswhohavebeentogetherfor50yearsalwaystalkaboutmarryingtheirbestfriend.8.Themysteriousthingaboutthisproperloveisthatitcontainsnotraceoftheearlylunacy.Itdoesnotmakeyouwanttoripthebeloved'sclothesoffatinappropriatemoments;itisnothingtodowiththewildurgetocreateauniversewithonlythetwoofyouinit.Instead,itisthekindofprofoundaffectionthatmakesyousmileatidiosyncrasiesthatanyoneelsewouldfindpointless,orgetthejokethatnobodyelsewillunderstand.Thiskindofloveisbuiltofthebricksofahundredsmallmemoriesandmomentsintime.Itisthefeelingyougetwhenyoureadastoryinthepaper,orseeacomicalcharacterinthestreet,oroverhearaconversation,andknowthatthereisonlyonepersonyouhavetocallandtell.Ithasnothingtodowithextravaganthotelsuites,orwatchingthesunrise,orimpetuoustripstodistantcities.Itisnotwhatyouseeintheshuttereddarkofamoviepalace;itisfindingromanceintheunheralded,themundane:asuddensurgeofadorationbecauseacertainpersonknowshowtofixadrippingtap.Itmaynotbetheworldwelllostforlove,or“ShallIcomparetheetoasummer'sday?”,butitislesslikelytoleaveyourheartinshardsonthefloor.9.Romanticlove,howeverderanged,isstilloneofthegreatdelightsoflife.Ithasgivenussonnetsandplaysandentiresonatas;ithasgivenusTheGreatGatsby,PrideandPrejudiceandDoctorZhivago.10.Lovecanbecrazy,delicious,thrilling;itcanmakeyoufeelasifeveryatominyourbodyisdancing.Itcanbringbacklostyouth,makeyourememberforgottendreams,revivedashedhopes.It'sjustthatitneedstocomewithacaveat,ahealthwarning,anunromanticbutinsistentvoiceofreason.So,thenexttimeyoufallinlove,youshouldbearinmindthatinthoseearlydaysyouarealittlecrazy,anditmaybewisenottomakeanysuddenmoves.11.Wedon'tmeandangerintheobviousheartbreakway-thecheapbetrayals,thebrokenpromises-wemeanthedarkdangerthatlurkswhensensible,educatedwomenfallforthedogmaticideathatromanticloveistheultimategoalforthemodernfemale.12.However,therearewomenwhoentertainthesubversivenotion,likeanintellectualmousescratchingbehindtheskirtingboard,thatperhapsthishigherloveisnotnecessarilythecelestialhighwaytoabsolutehappiness.Theirempiricalsidekicksin,andtheyobservethatcoupleswhomarryinahazeofadorationandsexare,tenyearslater,throwingchinaandfightingbitterlyoverwhogetsthedog.13.Butthewomenwhonoticethesecontradictionsareoftenafraidtospeakthemincasetheyshouldbelabelledcynics.Surelyonlythemostjadedanddamagedwouldchallengetheorthodoxyofromanticlove.Thereceivedwisdomthatthereisnotsomethingwrongwiththemodernideaofsexualloveasultimatepanacea,butthatifyoudon'tgetit,thereissomethingwrongwithyou.Youfreak,gobackandreadthelabel.Wesay:theprivilegingofromanticloveoverallothers,theinsistencethatitistheoneessential,incontrovertibleelementofhumanhappiness,tracedallthewaybacktothecaves,isatrapandasnare.Theideathateveryhumanheart,sincetheinventionofthewheel,wasyearningforitsotherhalfisamyth.14.Loveisahumanconstant;itistheinterpretationofitthatchanges.Thewaythatlovehasbeenexpressed,itssignificanceindailylife,haveneverbeenimmutableorconstant.Thedifferentkindsofloveandwhattheysignifyarenotfixed,whateverthetraditionalistsmayliketotellyou.15.Sothemodernideathatromanticloveisawoman'shighestcalling,thatsheissomehowonlyhalfapersonwithoutit,thatifshequestionsitsheisgoingagainstallhumanhistory,doesnotstanduptoscrutiny.Itisnotanimperativecarvedinstone;itisahumanidea,andhumanbeingsarefrailandsuggestible,andsometimesgetthewrongendofthestick.