【英文】婚姻成功与失败因素

Study the lists of reasons for success and failure in marriage. How would such reasons apply to marriage in China? It is universally acknowledged that family is the cell of the society, and marriage is the function key to make up a family. We can see that there are thousands of reasons that lead to successful or failed marriage in Britain from our textbook, but how would such reasons apply to marriage in China? All of these will be discussed subsequently in more detail. According to incomplete statistics, there are mailnly six types of reasons for success in marriage in Britain. They are faithfulness, understanding and tolerance, mutual respect and appreciation, happy sexual relationship, tastes and interests in common and sharing household chores. At the same time seven major types of reasons that lead to a failed marriage is also mentioned in the survey. They are money and financial difficulties, poverty, alcohol, drugs, expectations of marriage too high, poor housing and sexual problems. Is it a same case or a totally different one in China? Can such reasons apply in marriage in China? First of all, we should study the Chinese marriage. In old China, the view of marriage is deeply influenced by the feudal concept. At that time, getting married is not out of the love between the husband and wife, but out of the necessity of strengthening the relationship between two families. And the marriage pattern in those days is very simple, that is a girl is supposed to obey her parents’ order and follow the advice of matchmaker(父母之命媒妁之言). In one word, marriage at that time is based on the responsibility of carrying on the family line. However, with the development of the whole world Chinese marriage is changed. Nowadays，cohabitation without marriage is quite common in western countries. Statistical studies have shown that the percentage of the cohabitation among lovers who live together has reached 24% ----25%. Compared to the western world, the concept of marriage in China is still quite conservative; however, under the influence of the western ideas, it is impossible for China to stay away from the international trend. Economic system reform has been carried out in China and opened to the outside world since 1980s. China has been involved in the wave of globalization. All of these caused a great comprehensive change to the Chinese society living style and ideas. Traditional marriage idea has been impacted, from conservative to open, from monism to pluralism. In my opinion, the reasons for success or failure in marriage in Britain can mostly apply to marriage in China. In new China，faithfulness is seen by many to be the most important aspect of a good marriage, just like the case in Britain. This shows that promiscuity is still very unpopular and morally unacceptable to the majority despite a generally more tolerant attitude to sexual matters. Mrs Lin, a staff in a company, married to her husband when she was 27. However, the relation between her and her mother-in-law is very bad. All her behaviour was restricted by her mother-in-law, and she was often condemned by her. She felt that she enjoyed no freedom. So when she saw Mr. Yang, her new boss, who looks like her puppy lover, she felt that her freedom has come back, and she couldn’t help falling in love with him. But finally she was sober up; she realized that she could not betray his husband and her marriage, and also Mr. Yang’s wife and daughter. She made a decision to return home at last. According to the data of a research materail, about 90.91% of man will be well affected towards other women among the reseach targets (adults within the age of 30 to 60), but only 36.37% of them will put it in practise. As for the women who are surveyed, 83.33% of them will be well affected towards other men, but only 11.11% of them will practise it. This statistic shows that it is very common for one to think well of others, but faithfulness is still a very important concept for people, no matter in Britain or in China. Also, money and financial difficulties will lead to failure in marriage both in China and in Britain. There is an old saying in China, that is “ To a destitute couple nothing goes well”(贫贱夫妻百事哀). From this idiomatic phrase, we can see that money and financial difficulties are deadly poison to a marriage. Mrs. Chan, fell in love with her husband when she was young. She felt that her husband is a romantic person and treats her very well. So she finally decided to marry him, even though his financial affairs are in bad condition. During the first year of marriage, Mrs. Chan thought that she lived happily even though they lived in poverty. But as time went on, she discovered more and more shortcomings of her husband. Mrs. Chan’s huaband pursues famous brand clothes which made her dissatisfied, because it is quite a heavy burden to her. So gradually they fight a lot more than they used to, and the topics are always about money. At last, Mrs. Chan decided to leave her husband and lead a new life. If it was in old China, Mrs. Chan might not make such a decision because of the feudal thoughts. But nowadays, with the progress of globalization, people’s minds are liberated and women can be financially independent. So to some extent, the liberation of mind is also a remote cause of failure of marriage. The liberation of mind also has a deep effect on Chinese views towards sex. In the past days, any mention of sex is taboo in China; women permit no contradiction towards their marriage, let along the sexual problems. According to imcomplete statistics, during the 1950s, only 3% of couples got divorced because of their sexual problems, but during the 1980s, the percentage has reached to 30%. What we can learn from these data is that a happy sexual relationship is now very important to marriage in China just like in Britain. To sum up, nowadays China has been involved in the wave of globalization and the living style and ideas of Chinese society have changed a lot, so most of the reasons for success or failure in marriage in Britain can apply to marriage in China. Reference , 信 巍，中国婚姻质量,现实中国，2007年3月 , 巨东红，全球化背景下中国婚姻的变迁与展望，曲靖师范学院学报，第25卷第一期， 2006年1月 , 朱明德，当前中国婚姻家庭观念的探讨，开封教育学院学报，第 27卷第4期，2007 年 12月 20日 , 陈小琼,崔小璐，大学生婚恋观对高校德育工作的影响及对策，哈尔滨学院学报， 第 31卷第1期，2010年 1月 , 张德强，影响今后中国婚姻家庭的因素，兰州学刊，1991年第6期