[现在——我该怎么办？一本送给遭受创伤小朋友的友谊手册].AND.NOW.WHAT

Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction, distribution, adaptation in whole or in part without written permission is strictly prohibited. …AND NOW WHAT? A HELPING HAND FOR CHILDREN WHO HAVE SUFFERED A LOSS Gilbert Brenson-Lazán María Mercedes Sarmiento Díaz Drawings: Polly Sorzano Translation: Rosalina Rivera FOR NON-PROFIT DISTRIBUTION – NOT FOR RESALE Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006 All Rights Reserved. 2 Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006 All Rights Reserved. 1 SUGGESTIONS FOR PARENTS AND TEACHERS Dear Parents and Teachers: We have the enormous responsibility of helping our children overcome the trauma brought about by a natural, social or psychology tragedy. Our goal is to facilitate a fast but complete recovery process followed by personal learning and growth. In other words, to develop together the appropriate answers for questions such as “And now what?” It is with this purpose in mind that we have written this workbook. When using it, whether with your students, your own children or others, please take into consideration the following suggestions: 1. We aren’t very effective trying to teach something we do not know or give something that we don’t have. If you also have suffered the tragedy that your children are working through, it is very important that you participate in some type of grief workshop yourself, or at least that you have worked through the adult counterpart of the manual: “A Light in this Dark Valley.” 2. If the children are assigned to do the lessons in this workbook as a mandatory task, or if left to perform them on their own, the learning will not be nearly as effective as will working with them in group or one-on-one, sharing their experiences and achievements. Every day or every other day, parents can sit the child on their lap and share the lesson either in writing or as an oral exercise. Teachers can design a dynamic group method to develop each lesson. We offer additional materials to aid with this type of approach. The epilogue may be used independently or as an extra lesson. You can split it up to present a play, a puppet show or use it with the drawings by Polly, etc. These drawings may also be used as a cut-and-paste art project, or as a theme to write an essay. 3. This manual is designed for children between the ages of 4-12 years. The wording and comprehensive level are aimed to an average 8 year old. To use with younger children (4-7 years) it’s better to do the lessons orally, making sure they understand the wording. With older children (9-12 years) you can supplement the lessons with more elaborate explanations and homework as found in “A Light in this Dark Valley” for example. This will make it more interesting and challenging for the older children. 4. Please accept our most sincere invitation to take advantage of all the resources available as part of our full range of materials and programs in this field. Many are offered free of charge through Virtual Library at Global Facilitator Service Corps, http://globalfacilitators.org. Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 2 All Rights Reserved. This publication and other services are made possible thanks to the financial and emotional support of many people. We would like to express our heartfelt gratitude to: • To Rosalina “Rosie” Rivera of ATConcepts of Dallas, Texas, for her dedicated work in the translation, and to Eileen Ruete for selflessly giving of her time and energy to proofread and correct the texts. • To María Polly Sorzano, for her wonderful talent as the artist that provided us with the drawings for the children. • To Cristina Lombana and Patricia de Navarro of “Creative Studies”, and to María Cristina Buitrago, for the illustrations and texts used in the epilogue. With lots of love and with our most sincere wishes for the prompt emotional recovery of your children and students… as well as your own, Gil and Mechas GILBERT BRENSON-LAZAN MARÍA MERCEDES SARMIENTO DÍAZ January 7, 2001 Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 3 All Rights Reserved. Hello to our dear friends, We are Gil and Mechas and we have many young friends all over the world. Our work is helping children like you when they have suffered a terrible and painful loss. Your parents are probably confused also and facing many problems because of this tragedy. Everyone asks: “And now…what can I do?” Everybody is talking about the "tragedy", but what is a tragedy? A tragedy is a very sad and painful thing that happens to us. It’s not our fault and there usually isn’t anything we could do to avoid it or stop it. It is something that hurts us very much and causes many problems for us. It might be a violent act of nature, like an earthquake or a tornado or a flood. It might be a bad accident or a serious illness. In any case, we feel very, very sad, or scared, or angry and it seems like things will never get better or go back to normal. The truth is that after a little while we will begin to get well. Our body and our mind and our feelings will soon be like new again and stronger than ever. Recovering from a disease or tragedy is a way for you to understand more about the world and about yourself, to grow strong and wise as a person. In this workbook you will find 15 lessons that resemble the 15 stairs. If you try to go up these steps all at once, you will fall down. On the other hand, if you try just one or two of the steps, you won’t reach the top. If you try to skip over them or go up too fast, you’ll probably slip and not make it either. But if you carefully go one stair at a time, you will soon be at the top. Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 4 All Rights Reserved. Go up these imaginary stairs step by step, taking on one at a time. Study one lesson per day or per week. By doing our homework we will reach our goal for recovery, personal growth and happiness. Do you know what “epilogue” means? It’s a sort of gift that authors put in their books for their readers. We have a very special gift for you at the end of this book: a story we think you’ll enjoy very much. We wish you much happiness, lots of fun in school and playing with your friends, and a quick recovery from this tragedy. From your friends who will always love you, Gil & Mechas 2001 Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 5 All Rights Reserved. LESSON 1 – THE LOSS No one could comfort our little friend Mary. A big, dirty old truck ran over her best friend: a floppy-eared Terrier named Snoopy. For days Mary cried and screamed and was angry with everyone. She didn’t understand why this had to happen. It was horrible, unfair, and very sad. We understand Mary’s feelings because we realize that any loss can be very painful. You know how painful it can be for someone to lose a toy, a friend, a favorite pencil or the attention of someone special. Right now you may have lost someone in your family, a friend, your house, your favorite things, your hometown. Or everything you had in this world. We know it hurts you very much. The first step to getting better is to realize all that you have lost. In the space below, please make a list of some of the things you have lost that were important to you. Then, on another sheet of paper, you can draw a picture of all of them: Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 6 All Rights Reserved. LESSON 2 – YOUR PAIN Jimmy is three years old. His Aunt just gave him a delicious strawberry popsicle. He had only taken a couple of licks when he dropped it on the ground by accident. His mother didn’t allow him to pick it up. Jimmy cried and cried. Finally his Mom told him: “Don’t be so silly! You shouldn’t be so upset over a stupid popsicle.” She didn’t understand. We have learned that every loss, no matter how small, hurts. Your recent loss may have been very great and is very painful. Please talk about your feelings of sadness, anger or fear. There is nothing wrong with expressing what you feel, even if someone tells you otherwise. On the other hand it’s not necessary for you to continue feeling sad, angry or afraid just because someone else expects you to. How do you feel right now? How do you feel when you remember everything you’ve lost? Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 7 All Rights Reserved. LESSON 3 – YOUR COMFORT Not long ago our son Eric lost a valuable coin collection. He didn’t say anything to us because he was afraid we would be mad at him. He felt angry with himself and he also felt very sad. His older brother, Ben, realized what was going on. He encouraged him to share it with us. Very fearful and with tears in his eyes, Eric told us about his loss. Of course we were angry but we were also able to support him and understand his pain. That day Eric learned that it’s okay to seek love and comfort from others. Comfort helps to ease the pain. During these days when you feel so much pain, you can ask for comfort at anytime from people such as your family, friends, teachers, and neighbors. For example, you can say, "I feel bad and want to be loved and spoiled for a little while." You’ll feel better when you have someone with whom to share your grief. Draw or write the name of three people who love you and from whom you would seek comfort and support. Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 8 All Rights Reserved. Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 9 All Rights Reserved. LESSON 4 – YOUR QUALITIES We have a little friend Ellen whose mother recently died from a long, terrible illness. From that moment, everything went wrong for her. Ellen’s grades went down, she was fighting with her friends all the time, and she was always in trouble with her dad and her aunt. She is a beautiful girl, intelligent and well-mannered. Before her mother died she liked herself. Now she feels ugly, clumsy and stupid. Has Ellen really changed that much? Usually after a tragedy we are restless and are unable to concentrate. We want to fight with everyone. The worst that can happen is for you to convince yourself that these feelings are forever. It’s not true. It is just a normal part of the process of getting better. You are a very important person--very valuable! You are worth a lot! You are a beautiful and amazing person, created by God. Even if you don’t feel well or are not behaving so well, a tragedy like this cannot change who you are and all you are worth. You are the same person as before with all the great qualities that made you so special. You can correct your behavior and return to the way you were before. Make a list all your qualities, that is, all the nice things people say about you and about the things you did so well. Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 10 All Rights Reserved. LESSON 5 – YOUR TIME: Last week Paul fell off the swing at school and broke his leg. Since then he has been very sad because his leg is in a cast and he thinks he’ll never be able to play football again. His mother is trying to give him love and support. She tells him not to worry, that he will be back to normal in no time. Paul doesn’t believe her because he feels so bad. Will he get better? Have you ever heard someone say: "One day at a time?" It means that even though today things are very difficult, with a little time and patience they will get better. Time is on your side, but you also need to be patient and understand that things will get back to normal eventually. Remember that with each passing day the sadness and the fear and the anger fade a little more into the past, and happiness takes over a little more. On this page or on another sheet of paper, draw a picture of yourself doing what you most enjoyed doing before the tragedy: Have you changed? Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 11 All Rights Reserved. LESSON 6 – YOUR THINGS: When our dog Nioka was a puppy, we would sometimes give her a bone to play with and clean her teeth with. Like any other dog, she loved to go and hide it in her favorite place for another day. One day, without realizing it, Mechas placed a big box on top of her “secret” hiding place and she couldn’t reach her toys and bones. Needless to say Nioka was very sad and she became a nuisance, biting furniture and clothes. All of this because she missed her toys so much. Just like Nioka, people need to have their own personal space to be able to put your things. Maybe you had a big loss in the tragedy… maybe you lost everything. If you haven’t started yet, it’s very important to begin to replace your things. Even if they are not important to others, they are to you and you have a right to have them and to keep them. You might want to have: • a rock collection • a special toy or doll • the drawings by Polly • marbles • little toy cars • many other things Please be very careful. You don’t like it when your brother or sister or friend gets into your stuff! We should always remember to be respectful and considerate of other people’s privacy, young and old alike. Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 12 All Rights Reserved. Here you can draw a picture of the things that you like the most: Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 13 All Rights Reserved. LESSON 7 – YOUR FAITH: Besides Nioka, we also have in our house 25 beautiful fish in an aquarium. Every day we feed them with their special food. Sometimes we treat them to something really special, such as worms or insects. When it’s feeding time they all come to the surface for their food. Once in a while we change the filters and the plants so that the water is always clean. If a fish becomes ill, we isolated it and give it the necessary medicine to get better. If these fish could think, they would realize that they never lack for anything because we always take care of them. Sometimes they get sick or they are hungry, but we are always there, even though the fish don’t realize this. Our world is like a very big aquarium. Sometimes we are hungry, sad, in pain, or going through many other difficult circumstances. We think no one cares. Remember that there is always, always the One who sees and knows everything and is taking care of us―our Lord. It is important to remember that He is always there, watching over us and caring for us. You probably say prayers to Him but have you ever thought about writing Him a letter? You can tell Him about what you feel and think. You can thank Him for being alive. You can tell Him about your needs as well as the needs of others. He takes care of you in many ways, through other people that take care of you, the trees, the animals, the sun, the rain and the land to harvest from. But He also can speak to you directly. He will answer your prayers and will fill your heart with peace and love. Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 14 All Rights Reserved. On this page, you can write your letter to God: Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 15 All Rights Reserved. LESSON 8 – YOUR CONFUSION Do you remember our friend Ellen? She was very confused after her mother’s death. Her grandmother told her that she would see her mother again in heaven. Ellen waited, looked up to the sky and didn’t see her. Her father told her that mommy was sleeping, but she wasn’t on her bed. Her friend told her that her mother was buried in the cemetery. Poor Ellen was so confused! She didn’t know what to think or believe anymore. After any tragedy or loss, we are all very confused and have many unanswered questions such as: • What happened? • Why did this have to happen to us? • What has happened to those that have disappeared? • Why are Mom and Dad acting so strangely? • When will this happen again? • Why can’t the grown-ups tell me the truth? • Why do I have to live like this? • When can we return to our home? It’s even worse when grown-ups don’t answer your questions or say things that confuse you more, such as: • It’s God’s will. • You have to tough it out. • It’s fate. What will be, will be. • Life is a sea of pain and suffering. • Go ask your mother. • It’s the work of the devil. • It’s a punishment from God. Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 16 All Rights Reserved. We don’t agree with these answers, especially the ones that place the blame on God. God doesn’t punish you or anybody else with tragedies. We believe you are entitled to better answers. It’s best to go to someone you love and trust, such as a teacher, a family friend, a spiritual leader or your family doctor. You can also write to me. Here is a special address for our little friends: Gil B. 11 Sequin Road West Hartford, CT 06117 United States of America Make a list of the questions you have: Who will you ask to answer them? Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 17 All Rights Reserved. LESSON 9 – YOUR MEMORIES Not very long ago our young friend Susie was traveling with her family when they were hit from behind by another car. Susie, her mom and her little brother were sitting in the back seat and they were seriously injured. All three of them were in the hospital for several weeks. They are well now, but Susie gets very scared every time she has to ride in a car. Her brother wakes up almost every night with nightmares about the accident. You have suffered through a tragedy of your own. You might be having nightmares or other scary memories too! This is a very common reaction. Anyone that suffers a loss or a tragedy has many memories. It’s a natural part of the healing and recovery process for both the body and soul . When you are having these nightmares and memories, or when you feel afraid, it’s best to ask someone for comfort and help. If anyone makes fun of you or says you are silly, find someone else to talk to. On the back of this page, you can draw or color the ugliest memory you have about the tragedy. Global Facilitator Service Corps, Inc. © 2006. 18 All Rights Reserved. LESSON 10 – YOUR FEELINGS Jane’s kitten, Misty, has disappeared. No one seems to know exactly how. Maybe her Mom left the door open or Jane was careless when she returned from school. The fact is that Misty is gone and Jane feels just awful! How do you think she feels? You are so right! Jane is very, very sad. She has lost her very best friend in the world and all she can do is cry. She feels very angry and wants to hit something or someone. She is angry with her mom, at her bad luck, at Misty and at herself. Jane also feels guilty because she realizes that she should have tried harder to take care of Misty, and she feels bad for yelling at her mom. Jane fears that something very serious has happened and her kitten will never come back. All these feelings are bottled up inside. Jane doesn’t know what to feel or think, even more so when some grown-ups are telling her how she should and shouldn’t feel, for example: • It’s nothing to cry about. We’ll get you another one. • Why are you such a crybaby? • Be brave! Don’t be afraid. • Girls don’t feel angry. • It’s silly to feel guilty. • Don’t feel like that. • You see? Why did you leave the door open? • Don’t cry! That won’t change any