When I am abroad I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the Government

When I am abroad I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the Government Coding styles are like assholes, everyone has one and no one likes anyone elses.Eric Warmenhoven A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.Bernard Shaw I love mankind. It's people I can't stand.Charles Monroe Schultz Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.Ambrose Bierce How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?Woody Allen Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.Author Unknown Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.Mark Twain To write a diary every day is like returning to one's own vomit.Enoch Powell. Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste. Wes Smith. Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.Mae West Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.Benjamin Franklin He reminded me a little of Walt Disney's version of a mad scientist.Steven Spielberg (on Star Wars Director George Lucas) Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.Woody Allen That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.Woody Allen As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school.Cokie Roberts God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.Naguib Mahfouz Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.Abba Eban Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.John F. Kennedy For NASA, space is still a high priority. Dan Quayle 5/9/90 When having my portrait painted I don't want justice, I want mercy.Billy Hughes. Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.Woody Allen I always say, keep a diary and some day it'll keep you.Mae West He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That clearly points to a political career.George Bernard Shaw I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. George Carlin. It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.Robert Benchley. Men are all alike - except the one you've met who's different.Mae West Submitted by Anonymous You'll never be as good as I think I am. the rest are anniversaries. W.J. There has been only one Christmas - Cameron. Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.Mark Twain. When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.George Burns A man in the house is worth two in the street.Mae West Since the mathematicians have invaded the theory of relativity, I do not understand it myself anymore.Albert Einstein The only imaginative fiction being written today is income tax returns.Herman Wouk. You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks. Robin Williams. Don't get suckered in by the comments— they can be terribly misleading. Debug only code.Dave Storer USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. David Letterman. In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness you send out for it.Rex Reed. All the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening.Alexander Woollcott It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago Dan Quayle If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. Mario Andretti. I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. Rodney Dangerfield. He would make a lovely corpse.Charles Dickens The realization that one is to be hanged in the morning concentrates the mind wonderfully.Samuel Johnson I have orders to be awakened at any time in the case of a national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.Ronald Reagan. What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.Woody Allen Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.Spike Milligan I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me Gina Lollogrigida on Rock Hudson What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?Woody Allen Never have more children than you have car windows.Erma Bombeck I do not belong to any organised political party: I'm a democrat. Will Rogers. Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.Mae West For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.Woody Allen In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.Margaret Thatcher 'Goodness, what beautiful diamonds!' 'Goodness had nothing to do with it'.Mae West The minute that you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer.Will Rogers bug, n: An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect. The activity of debugging, or removing bugs from a program, ends when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed.Datamation, January 15, 1984 That's 'Mr. Smut Peddler' to you!Larry Flynt Power means not having to respond. I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind.Patrick Dennis. Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. Jeff Raskin. The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.Nathaniel Borenstein Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones. Mike Barfield. Mona Lisa looks as if she has just been sick, or is about to be.Noel Coward. Dealing with [Television] network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks.Eric Sevareid My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.Ed Furgol They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.Albert Einstein Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.Victor Borge I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.Rita Rudner I used to be Snow White…but I drifted.Mae West My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.Mike Myers I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.Rita Rudner What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.Mark Twain C is quirky, flawed, and an enormous success.Dennis M. Ritchie Java is C++ without the guns, knives, and clubsJames Gosling, co-inventor of Java Electricity is really just organized lightning.George Carlin In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker.Woody Allen What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.Mark Twain An archbishop is an ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.Ambrose Bierce My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. Bernard Manning. The ultimate metric that I would like to propose for user friendliness is quite simple: if this system was a person, how long would it take before you punched it in the nose?Tom Carey Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will.Homer Simpson Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.Woody Allen The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.Groucho Marx 驾校一点通365网 重庆驾校一点通 Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!Groucho Marx When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play, as well." (on the differences between Americans and the English)John Cleese He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed the little diagrams that tell which way to put batteries in.Steven Wright I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.George Carlin I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'Woody Allen Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.Denis Leary I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.George Carlin Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?Groucho Marx I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.George Burns Submitted by Elizabeth GoodwinChildren must speak a different language than their parents, they do not comprehend a word that's said... Wouldn't you rather die and be twung into a tree?Eddie Izzard To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.Oscar Wilde How come none of these boxers seem to have a losing record?George Carlin If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.Groucho Marx I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.Steven Wright