(1)Congratulationseveryone,youmadeitAndIdon'tmeantotheendofcollege,ImeantoclassdaybecauseifmemoryservessomeofyourclassmateshadtoomanyscorpionbowlsattheKonglastnightandarewithustodayGiventheweathertheonethingHarvardhasn'tfiguredouthowtocontrolsomeofyourotherclassmatesareatsomeplacewarmwithahotcocoasoyouhavemanyreasonstofeelproudofyourselfasyousitheretodayCongratulationstoyourparentsYouhavespentalotofmoneysoyourchildcansayshewenttoa"smallschool"nearBostonAndthankyoutotheclassof2014forinvitingmetobepartofyourcelebrationItmeansagreatdealtomeandlookingatthelistofpastspeakerswasalittledauntingIcan'tbeasfunnyasAmyPoehlerbutrmgonnabefunnierthanMotherTeresa25yearsagoamannamedDaveIdidnotknowatthetimebutwhowouldonedaybecomemyhusbandwassittingwhereyouaresittingtoday23yearsagoIwassittingwhereyouaresittingtodayDaveandIarebackthisweekendwithouramazingsonanddaughtertocelebratehisreunionandwebothsharethesamesentimentHarvardhasagoodbasketballteamStandinghereintheyardbringsmemoriesfloodingbackformeIarrivedherefromMiamiinthefallof1987withbighopesandevenbiggerhairIwasassignedtoliveinoneofHarvard'shistoricmonumentstogreatarchitectureCanadayMygo-tooutfit,andI'mnotmakingthisup,wasajeanskirtwhitelegwarmersandsneakersandaFloridasweaterbecausemyparentswhowereherewithmethenasthey'reherewithmenowtoldmeeveryonewouldthinkitwasawesomethatIwasfromFloridaAtleastwedidn'thaveInstagramForme,HarvardwasaseriesoffirstsMyfirstwintercoat,weneedn'tneedthoseinMiamiMyfirst10pagepaper,theydidn'tassignthoseinmyhighschoolMyfirstCafterwhichmyproctortoldmethatshewasontheAdmissionsCommitteeandIgotadmittedtoHarvardformypersonalitynotmyacademicpotentialThefirstpersonIevermetfromboardingschoolIthoughtthatwasourreallytroubledkidsThefirstpersonIevermetwhosharesthenamewithawholebuildingorsoImetwhenthefirstclassmateImetwasSarahWigglesworthwhoborenorelationatalltothedormwhichwouldhavebeennicetoknowwiththatveryintimidatingmomentButthenIwentontomeetothersFrancisStrauss,JamesWellsJessicaScieneeCenterBMyfirstlove,myfirstheartbreakthefirsttimeIrealizedthatIlovetolearnandthefirstandverylasttimeIsawanyonereadanythinginLatinWhenIsatinyourseatallthoseyearsagoIknewexactlywhereIwasheaded.IhaditallplannedoutIwasgoingtotheWorldBanktoworkonglobalpovertyThenIwouldgotolawschoolAndIwouldspendmylifeworkinginanonprofitorinagovernmentAtHarvard'scommencementtomorrowasyourdeandescribedeachschoolisgonnastandupandgraduatetogetherthecollege,thelawschool,themedschoolandsoonAtmygraduation,myclasscheeredforthePhDstudentsandthenbooedthebusinessschoolBusinessschoolseemedlikesuchasellout18monthslater,IappliedtobusinessschoolItwasn'tthatIwaswrongaboutwhatIwoulddodecadesaftergraduatingIhaditwrongayearandahalflaterAndevenifIcouldhavepredictedIwouldonedayworkintheprivatesectorInevercouldhavepredictedFacebookbecausetherewasnointernetandMarkZuckerbergwasatelementaryschoolalreadywearinghishoodyNotlockingintoapathtooearlygavemeanopportunitytogointoanewandlifechangingfieldAndforthoseofyouwhothinkIoweeverythingtogoodluckafterCanadayIgotQuadedWhat'sthat?Barron⑵ThereisnostraightpathfromyourseattodaytowhereyouaregoingDon'ttrytodrawthatline.YouwillnotjustgetitwrongYou'llmissbigopportunitiesandImeanbig,liketheInternetCareersarenotladders.ThosedaysarelonggonebutjunglegymsDon'tjustmoveupanddown.Don'tjustlookupLookbackwards,sideways,aroundcornersYourcareerandyourlifewillhavestartsandstopsandzigsandzagsDon'tstressoutaboutthewhitespace,thepathyoucantrybecausethereinlivesboththesurprisesandtheopportunitiesAsyouopenyourselfuptopossibilitythemostimportantthingIcantellyoutodayistoopenyourselfuptohonestytotellingthetruthtoeachothertobeinghonestwithyourselvesandtobeinghonestabouttheworldweliveinIfyouwatchedchildren,youwillimmediatelynoticehowhonesttheyareMyfriendBetsywaspregnantandhersonforthesecondchild,sonSamwas5hewantedtoknowwherethebabywasinherbodySoyesMommy,arethebabiesarmsinyourarms?Andshesaid,nonoSam,baby'sinmytummywholebabyMom,arethebaby'slegsinyourlegs?No,Sam,wholebaby'sinmytummyThenMommy,what'sgrowinginyourbutt?AsadultswearealmostneverdishonestandthatcanbeaverygoodthingWhenIwaspregnantwithourfirstchildIaskedmyhusbandDaveifmybuttwasgettingbigAtfirst,hedidn'tanswerbutIpressedSohesaid,yeah,alittleForyearsmysister-in-lawsaidabouthimwhatpeoplewillnowsayaboutyoufortherestofyourlifewhenyoudosomethingdoneandthatguywenttoHarvardHearingthetruthatdifferenttimesalongthewaywouldhavehelpedmeIwouldnothaveadmittediteasilywhenIsatwhereyousitButwhenIgraduated,IwasmuchmoreworriedaboutmylovelifethanmycareerIthoughtIonlyhadafewyearsverylimitedtimetofindoneofthegoodguysbeforehewasto,orbeforetheywerealltakenorIgottoooldSoImovedtoDC,andmetwithguyandIgotmarriedatthenearlydecrepitageof24ImarriedawonderfulmanbutIhadnobusinessmakingthatkindofcommitmentIdidn'tknowwhoIwasorwhoIwantedtobeMymarriagefellapartwithinayearsomethingthatwasreallyembarrassingandpainfulatthetimeanditdidnothelpthatsomanyfriendscameuptomeandsaidIneverknewthat,neverthoughtthatwasgoingtoworkorIknewyouweren'trightforeachotherNoonehadmanagedtosayanythinglikethattomebeforeImarcheddownanaislewhenitwouldhavebeenfarmoreusefulAndasIlivedthroughthesepainfulmonthsofseparationanddivorceboy,didIwishtheyhad?Andboy,didIwishIhadaskedthem?Atthesametimeinmyprofessionallife,someonedidspeakupMyfirstbossoutofcollegewasLantPritchettaneconomistwhoteachesattheKennedySchoolwhoisherewithustodayAfterIdeferredtolawschoolforthesecondtimeLantsatmedownandsaidIdon'tthinkyoushouldgotolawschoolatallIdon'tthinkyouwanttogotolawschoolIthinkyouthinkyoushouldbecauseyoutoldyourparentsyouwouldmanyyearsagoHenotedthathehadneveronceheardmetalkaboutthelawwithanyinterestIknowhowharditcanbetobehonestwitheachotherevenyourclosestfriends,evenwhenthey'reabouttomakeseriousmistakesbutIbetsittingheretoday,youknowyourclosestfriends'strength,weaknesseswhatclifftheymightdriveoffandIbetforthemostpartyou'venevertoldthemandthey'veneveraskedAskthemAskthemforthetruthbecauseitwillhelpyouandwhentheyanswerhonestlyyouknowthatthat'swhatmakesthemrealfriendsAskingforfeedbackisareallyimportanthabittogetintoasyouleavethestructureoftheschoolcalendarandexamsandgradesbehindOnmanyjobsifyouwanttoknowhowyou'redoingifyou'regoingtohavetoaskandthenyou'regonnahavetolistenwithoutgettingdefensiveTakeitfromme,listeningtocriticismisneverfun⑶butit'stheonlywaywecanimproveAfewyearsago,MarkZuckerbergdecidedhewantedtolearnChineseandinordertopracticehestartedtryingtohaveworkmeetingswithsomeofourFacebookcolleagueswhoarenativespeakersNowyouwouldthinkhisverylimitedIanguageskillswouldkeeptheseconversationsfrombeingusefulOnedayheaskedawomanwhowastherehowitwasgoing,howdidyouchoosetheFacebookSheansweredwithalongandprettycomplicatedsentenceSohesaid,simplerpleaseShespokeagainSimplerpleaseThiswentbackandforthacoupleoftimesSosheisblurtedoutinfrustration,mymanagerisbadThatheunderstoodSooftenthetruthissacrificedtoconflictavoidaneeorbythetimewespeakthetruth,we'veusedsomanycaveatsandpreamblesthatthemessagetotallygetslostSoIaskyoutoaskeachotherforthetruthandotherpeoplecanyoulistitinsimpleandclearIanguage?AndwhenyouspeakyourtruthcanyouusesimpleandclearIanguage?AshardasitistobehonestwithotherpeopleitcanbeevenmoredifficulttobehonestwithourselvesForyearsafterIhadchildrenIwouldsayprettyoftenIdon'tfeelguiltyworkingevenwhennooneaskedSomeonemightsay,Sheryl,how'syourdaytoday?AndIwouldsay,greatIdon'tfeelguiltyworkingOrdoIneedasweater?Yes,it'sunpredictablyfreezingandIdon'tfeelguiltyworkingIwaskindalikeaparrotwithissuesThenonedayonthetreadmill,IwasreadingthisarticleonSociologyJournalabouthowpeopledon'tstartoutlyingtootherpeopletheystartoutlyingtothemselvesandthethingswerepeatmostfrequentlyareoftenthoseliesSothesweatwaspouringdownmyfaceIstartedwonderingwhatdoIrepeatprettyfrequentlyandIrealizedIfeelguiltyworkingIthendidalotofresearchandIspentanentireyearwithmydearfriendNellScovellwritingabooktalkingabouthowIwasthinkingandfeelingandI'msogratefulthatsomanywomenaroundtheworldconnectedtoitMybookofcoursewascalledFiftyShadesofGreyIcanseealotofyouconnectedtoitaswellWehaveevenmoreworktodoinbeinghonestabouttheworldweliveinWedon'talwaysseethehardtruthsandonceweseethem,wedon'talwayshavethecouragetospeakoutWhenmyclassmatesandIwereincollegewethoughtthatfightforgenderequalitywasonethatwasoverSure,mostoftheleadersineveryindustryweremenbutwethoughtchangingthatwasjustamatteroftimeLamontLibraryrightoverthereonegenerationbeforeusdidn'tletwomenthroughitsdoorsButbythetimewesatinyourseat,everythingwasequalHarvardandRadcliffewasfullyintegratedWedidn'tneedfeminismbecausewewerealreadyequalsWewerewrongIwaswrongTheworldwasnotequalthenanditisnotequalnowIthinknowadayswedon'tjusthideourselvesfromthehardtruthandshutoureyestotheinequitiesbutwesufferfromthetyrannyoflowexpectationsInthelastelectioncycleintheUnitedStateswomenwon20%oftheSenateseatsandalltheheadlinesstartedscreamingoutwomentakeovertheSenateIfeltlikescreamingback,waitaminuteeveryone50%ofthepopulationgetting20%oftheseatsThat'snotatakeover.That'sanembarrassmentJustafewmonthsagothisyearaverywellrespectedandwell-knownbusinessexecutivesinSiliconValleyinvitedmetogiveaspeechtohisclubonsocialmediaI'vebeentothisclubafewmonthsbeforewhenIhavebeeninvitedforafriend'sbirthdayItwasabeautifulbuildingandIwaswanderingaroundlookingatit,lookingforthewomen'sroom⑷whenastaffmemberinformedmeveryfirmlythattheladies'roomwasoverthereandIshouldbesurenottogoupstairsbecausewomenareneverallowedinthisbuildingIdidn'trealizeIwasinanall-maleclubuntilthatminuteIspenttherestofthenightwonderingwhatIwasdoingtherewonderingwhateveryoneelsewasdoingtherewonderingifanyofmyfriendsinSanFranciscowouldinvitemetoapartyataclubthatdidn'tallowBlacksorJewsorAsiansorgaysBeinginvitedtogiveabusinessspeechatthisclubhitmeevenmoreegregiousbecauseyoucouldn'tclaimthatitwasonlysocialbusinessthatwasdonethereMyfirstthoughtwas,"Really?"ReallyAyearafter"LeanIn"thisdudethoughtitwasagoodideatoinvitemetogiveaspeechtohisliteralall-boysclubAndhewasn'talonethereisanentirecommitteeofwellrespectedbusinessmanwhojoinedhiminissuingthiskindinvitationToparaphraseGrouchoMarxanddon'tworry,Iwon'ttrytodothevoiceIdon'twanttospeakinanyclubthatwon'thavemeasamemberSoIsaidnoandIdiditinawayIprobablywouldn'thaveeven5yearsbeforeIwrotealongandpassionateemailarguingthattheyshouldchangetheirpoliciesTheythankedmeformypromptresponseandwrotethatperhapsthingswilleventuallychangeOurexpectationsaretoolowEventuallyneedstobecomeimmediatelyWeneedtoseethetruthandspeakthetruthWetoleratediscriminationandwepretendthatopportunityisequalYesweelectedanAfrican-AmericanpresidentbutracismispervasivestillYes,therearewomenwhorunFortune500companies5percenttobeprecisebutourroadthereisstillpavedwith
slikepussyandbossywhileourmalepeersareleadersandresultsfocusedAfrican-Americanwomenhavetoprovethatthey'renotangryLatinosriskbeingbrandedfieryhotheadAgroupofAsian-AmericanwomenandmeninFacebookworepinsonedaythatsaidImayormaynotbegoodenoughYes,Harvardhasawomanpresidentandintwoyears,theUnitedStatesmayhaveawomanpresident⑸ButinordertogetthereHillaryClintonisgonnahavetoovercome2veryrealobstaclesunknownandoftenununderstoodgenderbiasandevenworse,adegreefromYaleYoucanchallengestereotypesthat'ssubtleandobviousAtFacebook,wehavepostersaroundthewalltoinspireusDoneisbetterthanperfectFortunefavorsthebold.Whatwouldyoudoifyouweren'tafraid?MynewfavoritenothingatFacebookissomeoneelse'sproblemIhopeyoufeelthatwayabouttheproblemsyouseeintheworldbecausetheyarenotsomeoneelse'sproblemGenderinequalityharmsmenalongwithwomenRacismhurtsWhitesalongwithMinoritiesAndthelackofequalopportunitykeepsallofusfromfailingourtruepotentialSoasyougraduatetodayIwanttoputsomepressureonyouIwanttoputsomepressureonyoutoacknowledgethehardtruthsnotshyawayfromthemandwhenyouseethemtoaddressthemThefirsttimeIspokeoutaboutwhatitwasliketobeawomanintheworkforcewaslessthanfiveyearsagoThatmeansthatfor18yearsfromwhereyousittowhereIstandmysileneeimpliedthateverythingwasokayYoucandobetterthanIdidAndImeanthatsosincerelyAtthesametimeIwanttotakesomepressureoffyouSittingheretodayyoudon'thavetoknowwhatcareeryouwantorhowtogetthecareeryoumightwantLeaningindoesnotmeanyourpathwillbestraightorsmoothandmostpeoplewhomakegreatcontributionstartwaylaterthanMarkZuckerbergFindajunglegymyouwanttoplayandstartclimbingnotonlywillyoufigureoutwhatyouwanttodoeventuallybutonceyoudo,you'llcrushitLookingatyouallheretodayI'mfilledwithhopeAllofyouwhowereadmittedtoa"smallschool"nearBostoneitherforyouracademicpotentialoryourpersonalityorbothyou'vehadyourfirst,whetherit'sawintercoat,aloveoraCyou'velearnedmoreaboutwhoyouareandwhoyouwanttobeAndmostimportantlyyou'veexperieneedthepowerofcommunityyouknowthatwhileyouareextraordinaryonyourownweareallstrongerandcanbeloudertogetherIknowthatyouwillneverforgetHarvardandHarvardwillneverforgetyouespeciallyduringthenextfundraisingdriveTomorrowyouallbecomepartofalifelongcommunitywhichofferstrulygreatopportunityandthereforecomeswithrealobligationYoucanmaketheworldfairforeveryoneexpecthonestyfromyourselfandeachotherdemandandcreatetrulyequalopportunitynoteventually,butnowAndtomorrowbythewayyougetsomethingMarkZuckerbergdoesnothaveaHarvarddegreeCongratulations,everyone