许地山《落花生》翻译赏析(张培基 译)

许地山《落花生》翻译赏析(张培基译) 原文: 落花生 许地山 我们屋后有半亩隙地。母亲说:“让它荒芜着怪可惜,既然称们那么爱吃花生,就辟来做花生园罢。”我们几姊弟和几个小丫头都很喜欢——买种的买种,动土的动土,灌园的灌园;过不了几个月,居然收获了! 妈妈说:“今晚我们可以做一个收获节,也请你们爹爹来尝尝我们的新花生,如何?”我们都答应了。母亲把花生做成好几样食品,还吩咐这节期要在园里的茅亭举行。 那晚上的天色不大好,可是爹爹也到来,实在很难得!爹爹说:“你们爱吃花生么?” 我们都争着答应:“爱!” “谁能把花生的好处说出来?”。 姊姊说:“花生的气味很美。” 哥哥说:“花生可以制油。” 我说:“无论何等人都可以用贱价买它来吃;都喜欢吃它。这就是它的好处。” 爹爹说:“花生的用处固然很多;但有一样是很可贵的。这小小的豆不像那好看的苹果、桃子、石榴,把它们的果实悬在枝上,鲜红嫩绿的颜色,令人一望而发生羡慕的心。它只把果子埋在地的,等到成熟,才容人把它挖出来。你们偶然看见一棵花生瑟缩地长在地上,不能立刻辨出它有没有果实,非得等到你接触它才能知道。” 我们都说:“是的。”母亲也点点头。爹爹接下去说:“所以你们要像花生,因为它是有用的,不是伟大、好看的东西。”我说:“那么,人要做有用的人,不要做伟大、体面的人了。”爹爹说:“这是我对于你们的希望。” 我们谈到夜阑才散,所有花生食品虽然没有了,然而父亲的话现在还印在我心版上。译文: Peanuts Behind our house there lay half a mu of vacant land. Mother said, “It’s a pity to let it lie waste. Since you all like to eat peanuts so much, why not plant some here?” That exhilarated us children and our servant girls as well, and soon we started buying seeds, ploughing the land and watering the plants. We gathered in a good harvest just after a couple of months! Mother said, “How about giving a party this evening to celebrate the harvest and inviting your Daddy to have a taste of our newly-harvested peanuts?” We all agreed. Mother made quite a few varieties of goodies out of the peanuts, and told us that the party would be held in the thatched pavilion on the peanut plot. It looked like rain that evening, yet, to our great joy, father came nevertheless. Night sky is not very good, but the father has come, it is hard to come by. “Do you like peanuts?” asked Father. “Yes, we do!” We vied in giving the answer. “Which of you could name the good things in peanuts?” “Peanuts taste good,” said my elder sister. “Peanuts produce edible oil,” said my elder brother. “Peanuts are so cheap,” said I,“that anyone can afford to eat them. Peanuts are everyone’s favorite. That’s why we call peanuts good.” “Peanuts are so cheap,” said I, “that anyone can afford to eat them. Peanuts are everyone’s favorite. Tha t’s why we call peanuts good.” “It’s true that peanuts have many uses,” said Father, “but they’re most beloved in one respect. Unlike nice-looking apples, peaches and pomegranates, which hang their fruit on branches and win people’s instant admiration with their brilliant colours, tiny little peanuts bury themselves underground and remain unearthed until they’re ripe. When you come upon a peanut plant lying curled up on the ground, you can never immediately tell whether or not it bears any nuts until you touch them.” “That’s true,” we said in unison. Mother also nodded. “So you must take after peanuts,” Father continued, “because they’re useful though not great and nice-looking.” “Then you mean one should be useful rather than gre at and nice-looking,” I said. “That’s what I expect of you,” Father concluded. We kept chatting until the party broke up late at night. Today, though nothing is left of the goodies made of peanuts, Father’s words remain engraved in my mind. 译文赏析: 就原文而言,作者用朴实的语言了自己生活中的一个小故事,朴素、清新。而译文也同样用简单而地道的英语表达和原文在风格上保持了一致。下面节选文中的片段对译文进行赏析,并提出一些个人认为需要改进之处给以建议。 选段一:我们屋后有半亩隙地。母亲说:“让它荒芜着怪可惜,既然称们那么爱吃花生,就辟来做花生园罢。”我们几姊弟和几个小丫头都很喜欢——买种的买种,动土的动土,灌园的灌园;过不了几个月,居然收获了! 译文:Behind our house there lay half a mu of vacant land. Mother said, “It’s a pity to let it lie waste. Since you all like to eat peanuts so much, why not have them planted here.” That exhilarated us children and our servant girls as well, and soon we started buying seeds, ploughing the land and watering the plants. We gathered in a good harvest just after a couple of months! 分析: 优点: 1.“屋后”从逻辑上讲应该是房子的“后面”,用“Behind”,较为准确,但有人 将其译为“At the back of”则表示房间的“后部”。 2.“有一亩空地”用“lay”更具动感,通常人们会将其译成there be 句型。同时译 文用It’s a pity to do sth符合英语表达习惯,且to let it lie waste 地道而朴实地 表达出了原文的意思。 3.译文用why not …表示一种商量的语气,有的译文用let’s do sth句式则没有这 种商量的语气,且显得平淡。 4.译文将“我们姐弟几个” 译为“us children”简洁精练,若译为my brother, sister and I则显得比较冗长繁琐。 5.原文有破折号,但译文用and soon 来代替,准确的传达了原文的含义。 6.中文喜用排比,或者“有的……有的……”句式,但英文忌重复,故译者用we … 代替some …some… others 显然更加符合英文的表达习惯,虽然在表意的准确 性上会有一点欠缺,但这样的取舍更易于译语受众理解。 7.译者在started之后用buying, ploughing, watering三个动词的-ing形式,突显出 我们忙忙碌碌的景象。 8.翻译本段最后一句时,译文使用we gathered in a good harvest just after既简练又 把“居然收获”的惊喜表达出来了。 不足: 1.“爱吃花生”应该表达的是一种习惯,而like to eat一般表示某次心血来潮的想 法。因此,建议用like eating/ enjoy eating。 2.译文用servant girls可能引起歧义,因servant girls多用于表示丫环,但是“小 丫头”未必就是丫环,可能是其他的小女孩。建议删去servant girls。 3.就“开辟出来种花生吧”一句,译文have hem planted here.显得过于简单。从上 下文来看,母亲应该是想很好的利用这块地来种花生。建议改成why not make full use of it and plant some peanuts?或为使译文更简洁更口语化,可直接改为 why not plant some here? 选段二:妈妈说:“今晚我们可以做一个收获节,也请你们爹爹来尝尝我们的新花生,如何?”我们都答应了。母亲把花生做成好几样食品,还吩咐这节期要在园里的茅亭举行。那晚上的天色不大好,可是爹爹也到来,实在很难得! 译文:Mother said, “How about giving a party this evening to celebrate the harvest and invite your Daddy to have a taste of our newly-harvested peanuts?” We all agreed. Mother made quite a few varieties of goodies out of the peanuts, and told us that the party would be held in the thatched pavilion on the peanut plot. It looked like rain that evening, yet, to our great joy, Father came nevertheless. 分析: 优点: 1.在母亲说要做收获节的时候,译文用了How about 和invite 显得母亲说话比较温和。而 有的译文用Let us,ask,What do you say,虽然符合原文不增不减,但却显得母亲语气生硬,没有了慈爱的意味。 2.在表达“收获节”时,译者用“party”更为准确,很多译者会想当然的用“festival”而 使表达不够精确。 3.在表示“新”花生时,译文用newly-harvested地道地表达出了原文的意思,若用fresh等 其它词来表示,则难免牵强。 4.表达“母亲把花生做成好几样食品”译文用made quite a few varieties of goodies贴切自 然,另外goodies指“好吃的东西”,常用于口语也复合整篇文章的风格。汉语中“把” 字有多种含义,这里可以理解为“利用”,故译文使用make sth. Out of sth准确的表达出了原文的含义。 5.汉语多用主动语态,英语多为被动,故在译“这节期要在园里的茅亭举行”时,译者用 the party would be held in…译出,符合英语的表达习惯。 6.“天色不大好”是地道的汉语口语,译为it looked like rain 则是地道的英语表达,且符 合原意。 7.翻译最后一句“可是爹爹也到来,实在很难得!”译文用了joy …father… nevertheless表达 出一种喜悦的心情。 选段三:爹爹说:“你们爱吃花生么?” 我们都争着答应:“爱!” “谁能把花生的好处说出来?”。姊姊说:“花生的气味很美。” 哥哥说:“花生可以制油。” 我说:“无论何等人都可以用贱价买它来吃;都喜欢吃它。这就是它的好处。” 译文:“Do you like peanuts?” asked Father. “Yes, we do!” We vied in giving the answer.“Which of you could name the good things in peanuts?” “Peanuts taste good,” said my elder sister.“Peanuts produce edible oil,” said my elder brother. “Peanuts are so cheap,” said I, “that anyone can afford to eat them. Peanuts are everyone’s favorite. That’s why we call peanuts good.” 分析: 优点: 1.这是一段父亲和孩子们之间的对话,“争着答应”用vied in giving the answer更加有动感, 表现出了孩子们的活泼。 2.“把花生的好处说出来”用name the good也显然比直接更加灵活流畅。有译者将其翻译成 what the peanut is good for,在中套从句,不符合口语化表达。 3.当翻译“气味很美”时译者将其活译成更加通俗的“好吃” ,且用taste good则是地道的英 语表达。 4.在翻译“我”的话时,译者增译了“花生很便宜”:Peanuts are so cheap,但也有译者用 inexpensive代替cheap。但是inexpensive(adj.), 表示low priced; not expensive 主要表示 “廉价的,不贵的”。而Cheap: (adj.) low in price; worth more than the cost offering good value 则有更多意思“廉价的,实惠的,价钱好的”从上下文来看译者用cheap更确切。同时,译者用Peanuts做主语,使句子地道流畅。 5.译者用Peanuts are everyone’s favorite.这一静态表达代替原文“都喜欢吃它”这一动态表 达,更符合英语的语言习惯,更生动贴切。 6.最后表示“这就是它的好处”,译文中That’s why we call peanuts good更注意人物语言的 口语化。 不足: 表示“花生人人吃得起”,个人认为用afford it比译文用afford to eat them更加简洁。 选段四:爹爹说:“花生的用处固然很多;但有一样是很可贵的。这小小的豆不像那好看的苹果、桃子、石榴,把它们的果实悬在枝上,鲜红嫩绿的颜色,令人一望而发生羡慕的心。它只把果子埋在地的,等到成熟,才容人把它挖出来。 译文:“It’s true that peanuts have many uses,” said Father, “but they’re most beloved in one respect. Unlike nice-looking apples, peaches and pomegranates, which hang their fruit on branches and win people’s instant admiration with their brilliant colours, tiny little peanuts bury themselves underground and remain unearthed until they’re ripe. 分析: 优点: 1.译文将原文的两个句子合并为一个句子,将花生同好看的苹果、桃子等做对比,显示花 生的优秀品质,符合英语的表达习惯。 2.在翻译“小小的”时,译文将tiny 和little 放在一起,表现出小巧可爱的含义,与原文 的意思相符,准确而且生动。 不足:译文用一个很长的定语从句,显得比较书面化,与原文的口语化的风格略有不符。 选段五:“所以你们要像花生,因为它是有用的,不是伟大、好看的东西。”我说:“那么,人要做有用的人,不要做伟大、体面的人了。” 译文:“So you must take after peanuts,” Father continued, “because they’re useful though not great and nice-looking.” 分析:译文用动态的“take after”表示静态的“像”,符合英语的思维习惯,且文字简洁流畅,使得译文更加地道。